Something That Is Missing
by JustWannaBeAnonymous
Summary: Bella felt content with her life. She had a good job, good home. But, she always thought that she missed something important in her life. She thought it was because of her feeling to Edward, her childhood friend. What would it take for Edward to realize her existence while he was busy with his girlfriends? And what would it take for Bella to admit her feeling? AU/AH
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

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**Bella's POV**

"Why didn't you tell me about your feeling before?" he asked. A shock clearly showed in his emerald eyes.

I stared at him for like hours, speechless because of his question. And then, I looked away and smile dryly. "Because I was being a good girl," I answered while looking back at him. He wrinkled his eyebrows and looked confused. "I was being a good girl who didn't want to confess her feeling to a taken man."

He closed his eyes with a pain expression after hearing my answer. He exhaled his breath hard. a moment later, he looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "Then why are you telling me now all of sudden?"

"Because I'm tired of being a good girl," I said with a teasing smile in my face.

He didn't smile and just stared at me with sharp eyes. It was very clear that he didn't believe me. It made me stared back at him with serious expression before smile sadly. "I just don't wanna say goodbye while keeping it from you," I whispered the words, but I knew that he could hear me.

He narrowed his eyes hearing this. "What do you mean saying goodbye?" asked him harshly.

"I just thought that maybe this is the last chance I can tell you this," I said it while closing the distance between us. I put my arms around his neck and brought my body closer to hug him. His arms automatically threw around my back and brought me closer to him.

"What do you mean by saying last chance?" he whispered in my ear.

I drew back to look at his eyes. My arms were still at his shoulder. I looked at him for a long time, trying to save his face at my brain's hard disk. I tried to smile genuinely, but I know that it is pathetic because I could feel my tears in my eyes.

"Goodbye, Edward," I whispered before turned around and walk away.

I could hear him calling my name, while a woman's voice called his. I knew that letting him go was the right decision even though leaving him there standing by his luggages was the hardest thing to do. I had to do this because there was high chance that it was really the last time I could see him.

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**A/N: This is my first fic ever.. So, I really appreciate if you will give me advice..**

**What do you think about the story? I promise it will get better :) **

**Thank you for your time..**


	2. Chapter 1: Important Phone Calls

**Chapter 1: Important Phone Calls**

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**Disclaimer, Twilight is clearly not mine. I just like playing with the characters. :)  
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**This chapter is for explanation what the real problem is..  
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**I changed the rating for future languages or circumstances.  
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**Hope you like it, Enjoy :)  
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**Bella's POV**

_Something's missing. I know that something is missing. I just don't know what._ I kept repeating those words in my head. I couldn't help it. I knew that nothing was lacking in my life. Even though I didn't have extravagant things, but every need that I possibly had always could be fulfilled. Then, what was possibly missing?

I could say that I was happy with my life. No, I was content with my life. I never felt so passionately happy for anything, but I never felt so sad either. So, I concluded that I felt content with my life. I knew I should be grateful with this, looking at other people worked very hard just to fill their stomach with food or watching homeless people in television. I should be thankful that at least I can be comfortable in my own house.

I laid awake, staring at my bedroom ceiling for more than an hour. I couldn't stop myself to think over and over again about what possibly could be missing. Maybe I should buy a dog or a cat. Uurgh, I hated to think that I could be a cat lady that only lived with and went home to her five cats.

Suddenly a thought came to my mind. Now, I finally understood what I always felt that I missed. A companion. It wasn't like I didn't have friends, I just never had anyone or anything (if I consider a dog or a cat in this situation) that was more than friend. I just spent too long time being alone. Well, not exactly alone.

I had friends and I had neighbors that treated me like a family. The Cullens. I was friend with their youngest daughter, Alice, since kindergarten. I was like a little toy that could be teased, for their oldest son, Emmet. And I was like another daughter for Carlisle and Esme. So, I kinda like a sister for their middle son, Edward. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the problem.

I had a crush on Edward since I could appreciate boys. He was (no, he _is_, still) the most good looking male that I had ever seen (or I was just biased). He was just so considerate, smart, selfless, and gentle. One bad thing about him was that he was so dense about girls feeling, especially me.

We were close. He always treated me kindly and always paid attention to what I said. So, how could he never notice that I was in love with him?

I started to remember the moment I fell in love with him. It was at his...

_RING..RING..._

My phone rang suddenly from my desk not far from my bed. "Hello," I said to the phone.

"Bella!" shouted someone from the phone. I immediately recognized the 'always-annoyingly-happy' voice of my best friend, Alice.

"Yes, Alice?"

"You'll come to the Thanksgiving dinner at our house, right?"

Oh right, Thanksgiving was just two days away. That was the thing that always made me remembering my lonely self. The family holidays became just holidays for me, since my dad - Charlie, my last family, passed away five years ago. Even though The Cullens always included me in their family occasions, such as Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas, I still couldn't help to feel that I was still just a family friend, not a real family. I knew that they loved me and cared for me just like a family, but something was lacking.

"Bella!" yelled Alice, making me aware that she was waiting for my answer. I caught a little annoying tone in her voice.

"Yes, Alice. Of course I'll come."

"Oh good. Because Edward will come too. Maybe you'll get a chance to talk with him this time," said Alice with her 'always-happily-optimistic' tone.

Unlike her brother, Alice was always aware about my feeling. She always talked me into admitting my feeling to him. But, the problem was I just couldn't admit my felling to a taken man. Yeah, ever since he went to college, Edward never came home alone. He always accompanied by his current girlfriend. The one thing that you should know about Edward was that he always took girlfriends status seriously. He never played around.

"Yeah, like he'd be single this time," I said with all the sarcasm I could effort.

"Oh, I don't know. He hadn't said anything about bringing anyone home this time."

I snort hearing this. "Oh yeah, like he always told you that he would bring his girlfriend before?"

"Yeah, well, sometimes he told me," Alice admitted it with sheepish tone. "Look, why don't you just tell him, okay? It's not like he was always that serious with his girlfriend."

"Alice! He's _always_ serious about girlfriends. You know that. Even when he was still in high school, he never just dated around, played around, or slept around with girls. You know that, Alice."

"Yes, I know. But still.. It's not like he will propose or get married to them, you know. I know he's always serious, but he still broke up with them a few months later. So, it was not like it was last forever."

"I know. But, we never knew whether it would work or not. I didn't know if he would break up or not."

"That's why you should just tell him about your feeling."

"And risk his relationship with his girlfriend? Or our.. our friendship?" I tried to search for a word that can describe my situation with Edward. It was not exactly a friendship, but it was just weird to call it relationship.

"Bella, it's not like he will hate you after you tell him. The worst thing that could happen is he rejects you, but it is _so_ unlikely. I'm pretty sure that he will feel the same. He just needs a push in the right direction," advised her.

"No, Alice. It's not the rejection that I'm afraid of. It's the thing that will happen after that that I'm afraid of. We're always close, you know. It is just so easy to talk with him about almost everything. I'm afraid that we will be awkward if I tell him. I'd rather have this friendship with him than nothing," I said with almost mumble-like voice, but I knew that Alice could hear me.

"You know, Edward will never do that. He will never break your friendship because of that," Alice said slowly. "And I'm pretty sure that he will realize his feeling too. He will realize that he loves you too."

"I don't know, Alice. I can't do that. I just can't. Not while he looked happy with his girlfriend."

"Bella..." whined Alice. "I know that he looked happy, but we all know that he never love his girlfriend. He cared for them and he liked them enough, but he never loved them. You know that," argued her.

"No, I don't. I never could tell if he loved his girlfriend or not."

"What? How can you not tell? It is very obvious, Bella," whined Alice again. "Alright, here's the solution. If Edward brings his girlfriend this time, I will observe them. I will tell you he loves her or not. And if he doesn't love her, _you _admit your feeling to him. How is that?"

I thought for a moment. "Fine," answered me. "I'll think about it."

Alice sighed from the other end. "Fine, then. I'll see you at dinner, okay?"

"Okay. Bye, Alice."

"Bye." And then the line ended.

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I arrived early at the studio the next day. I work as one of the photographer at The Volturi Studio. It was a pretty big company that handled photography for many events, such as weddings and graduations. I always had a thing for photography. That was why I searched for a job in photography studio once I graduated from college even though my business degree had nothing to do with photography.

According to Aro Volturi, my boss, I had a good instinct and eye while taking a picture. That was one of the reasons he hired me as an assistant of photographer four years ago. The other reason was that he was a close friend of Carlisle. Carlisle asked him to give me a chance, and that was what Aro did. I paid him back well by doing my job well. By the third year I work for him, I became one of his best photographers.

That day, I got a call about another job that I applied a few weeks earlier. Even though Aro didn't like to lose me as his employee, he supported me to apply to this job. Even though I knew that it was a really little possibility that I could get the job, I wanted to try to apply. At the moment I answered the call, I was just so speechless. I got the job. But, that job will take me away from my life here. From my home. From The Cullens. From Edward.

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A/N: soo... what do you think?

Please review and let me know what you're thinking.

Thanks for your time to read and review :)


	3. Chapter 2: The Eventful Day

**Chapter 2: The Eventful Day**

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**Disclaimer, Twilight is clearly not mine. I just borrow the characters from Stephenie Meyer :)**

**Thanks for the people who read, review, and put alerts on this story.**

**I hope all of you can be patient with me and will give me some advice, critics, and comments about the story.**

**In this chapter, Edward finally appear :)  
**

**Hope you like it, Enjoy :)**

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**Bella's POV**

The day I got the phone call about the job, I received congratulations from my friends at work. Aro also congratulated me even though he admitted to me that he was not that happy losing me as his photographer. I couldn't say anything to that. Honestly, I hadn't thought it thoroughly either. I still had not thought about the consequences of the job. I would have to leave my own home for the job. And I just wasn't ready for that yet.

That night I got a message from Alice, stating that Edward is coming that night. He brought a girl with him. Alice still insisted that I told him my feeling to him. I just didn't think that I could do that, but I promised Alice that I'd think about it.

I wouldn't tell my feeling to Edward if I saw that he was happy. It would just make him feel confuse about what to do with me. I knew that. Edward wouldn't want to make me sad by rejecting me, so he would just be frustrated and stressed over my feeling to him. He was _that _nice.

I just stared at my ceiling (again! It was twice in a row) that night, thinking about what to do with my life and the job. I applied for the job because I thought that I could do something for other people. If I could do something worthy that could help people, I would feel that I was worthy to live. And this job was perfect for my plan. You could say that this was my way of finding myself. I really needed it. I knew it.

On the other hand, I wasn't ready to leave all my life behind. Actually, I thought that I was suitable for the job because I didn't really have a life to begin with. I didn't have a family that would wait for me to go home. Yes, I had Alice and The Cullens. But no matter how much they loved me (or I love them in that matter), I wasn't really their family. They would be sad when I left, but they would get over it in a few weeks. Maybe they would be sad when the holidays came (because I always was with them to celebrate the holidays), but they still could celebrate it without me. I knew that they could. And they _would_.

Okay, it was time to write the pros and cons. I took a notepad and pencil from my desk before sat back at my bed. I thought the pros for a while before I wrote them down in my notepad.

_The pros of getting the job:_

_This will be the chance for my journey of finding my self_

_I can help people by doing the job that I love_

_I can feel truly worthy for once in my life_

_..._

That was my list for the pros. I knew that all of that were really just for me. I needed to satisfy my thirst of being worthy. And it was my way.

_The cons:_

_The Cullens will be sad (but I know that they will be over it)_

_..._

I couldn't think of other things for my cons list. I would put Edward on the list, but he was just a part of The Cullens. He couldn't be my reason (no matter how much I wanted him to be my reason).

I groaned. I knew that _this_ was my decision now, but I also knew that seeing Edward (and The Cullens for that matter) at Thanksgiving dinner the next day would make me rethinking of everything.

Maybe.. I could just not go? It would make me not to have to endure another night with Edward's girlfriend. No matter how nice Edward's girl, it really wouldn't be something that I was happy to experienced. I shook my head. I couldn't do that! I had already promised Alice that I would come.

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I drew a deep breath before getting off my car. I already sat in my car at The Cullens driveway for the past 10 minutes. Thank God that no one would think to look outside or I would get caught.

Holding the pie that I made before, I stood in front of the front door before drawing another deep breath. I pressed the bell and waited for someone opening the door. Whatever I was trying to prepare for, it was certainly not for this. I was dumbfounded when the door was opened and Edward standing there with his gorgeous self.

"Bella!" he shouted my name with a very big grin on his face.

I was shocked. I didn't say anything. I didn't even do anything for seconds. But it seemed like Edward didn't notice that because he just moved forward and enveloped me in a hug. He hugged me tightly for a minute before withdrew and looked at my face. The big grin was still on his face.

"I'm so happy to see you. I missed you," he said with a very sincere expression that instantly melted my heart.

I knew it. I knew that coming here would have a very big impact on my decision, but certainly I didn't think that it would just take seeing Edward's face to make me rethink of everything all over again. Seeing him like this brought a very warm feeling to my heart and butterflies to my stomach.

"I missed you, too." I couldn't help it and just said what is in my head.

"It's your fault, you know? You didn't come to see me when my family came on my birthday last June," he said while narrowing eyes as though he was mad. But I could see smile in his eyes that made me know that he was not really mad.

I smiled sheepishly. "I'm sorry. It's just when they decided to come to surprise, I already signed a job contract and I couldn't just up and leave." It was a lie. I could have left that job behind if I really wanted to. But, the truth is, that was their family vacation and I didn't want to impose.

"I know. Alice told me when I asked about you."

He asked about me? _He_ asked about _me_? He asked where I had been when his family come to see him as if I was part of his family. If seeing his face didn't make me rethink about my decision, this sentence would do that job. I would rewrite my pros and cons list all over again later and Edward would be on the cons list. I was sure!

I followed him into the house. With all of the fireworks that I felt at the doorway, I didn't have the time to prepare myself for seeing his girlfriend. Actually, to be honest, that girlfriend of his didn't even come to my mind since I saw his face at the doorway. But, seeing the scene in front of me now made me dumbfounded once again. I really wasn't prepared for this scene.

I could see his girlfriend from where I stood. I could see a beautiful woman that was smiling when she saw Edward walk into the living room. And it felt like I was struck by a lightning. It was not how beautiful his girlfriend was (because his girlfriend had been _always_ beautiful. I was not surprise), it was how this scene looked like a family scene from a movie or TV show, how _she_ seemed very fit in that scene, and how The Cullens seemed to accept _her_ in their home.

The scenes instantly dim the fireworks. And as if it was not enough, Edward's words to introduce her to me did the job to put out the fireworks entirely. It was like he poured down a bucket of cold water on my fireworks.

"Bella, let me introduce you to Tanya, my fiancée."

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**A/N: What do you think?****  
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**Please don't hate me or the story (because it really didn't do anything wrong). I promise I'll make it up to you :)  
**

**By the way, does anyone have any idea what Bella's new job is?  
**

**Please leave some comments and let me know what you think about the story..**

**Thank you for your time :)**


	4. Chapter 3: Trying to Make the Decision

**Chapter 3: Trying to Make the Decision**

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**Disclaimer: Twilight Saga is clearly not mine, though I really wish I could own Edward at least ;) who didn't, right?**

**Thanks for reading this story. More thanks for the people who took time to review and put alerts on this story :)**

**Thanks for the advice as well. I changed the genre to Hurt/Comfort, seeing how this story goes. (Thanks to DarkNightShadow2012 for the advice)**

**The characters are a little bit (*glance around* fine!), the characters are seriously OOC. I'm sorry but I really need to do this for the sake of the story.**

**Here is another chapter. Enjoy :)**

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**Bella's POV**

"_Bella, let me introduce you to Tanya, my fiancée."_

I lost all the color on my face. I thought I would look pale, but Edward didn't notice it. So, maybe it was just my imagination. I tried to smile, I really tried, but all that I was capable to do was saying "Oh."

Alice came to my rescue. She was by my side instantly. "Umm.. Tanya, this is our closest, oldest, and best friend, Bella," Alice introduced me proudly, but I could hear stiffness in her voice.

"Oh, hello, Bella," Tanya extended her hand in front of me.

Politely I took her hand and tried to smile. I thought my face really looked weird that moment. "Hi."

And then there was an awkward pause that made me wanted to dig a hole and hide there forever.

"Umm.. I think we should bring your pie to the kitchen, Bella," Alice came to the rescue again. "Excuse us," she said to Edward and Tanya and pulled me to the direction of their kitchen.

The moment we got to the kitchen, Alice faced me with a sad face. "I'm so sorry," she said with regretful voice.

I tried to shrug it off. "It's fine. It's not like I didn't see it coming," I said with all the cheerfulness I could apply.

And that was not a lie. I'd known for a while that eventually Edward would announce something like this. He just caught me off guard before. I thought when he decided to get engaged, he would tell us first before actually getting engaged.

"Oh, Bella. It's not like that," Alice said suddenly.

"It's not like what, Alice?"

"I stay with my opinion," she said with certainty. I just looked at her with confused expression clearly on my face. Alice sighed seeing my expression. "He doesn't love her!"

My jaw dropped hearing her statement. "How can you say that, Alice? He's engaged to that woman!"

"Because.. " Alice stopped for a second to look for explanation. "I just can tell, alright?"

"No, Alice. You gotta wake up and start to accept the reality."

"What reality?" Alice asked narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

"That your brother is engaged and getting married to a woman that is not _me_," I said with certainty.

"No, Bella. You can't do this. You can't just give up on him!" she was trying to convince me.

"Alice, he _is_ engaged!"

"So?" she asked as if that was not important matter. "Bella, even married couple can break up!"

"Alice! You can't mean that," I said with exasperation.

"Yes. I mean it. You have to admit your feeling to him, at least. So, he can know and consider the fact that you're there for him and you always will," Alice said looking so certain.

Suddenly, a thought came to my mind. The statement that Alice said reminded me of something. Something that made Alice wrong. A job was waiting for me to make a decision. A job that would make me not _be_ there for him.

I sighed, remembering of the job. But, I was sure Alice thought off something else. "No, Alice. I can't do that," I said trying to emphasize my point.

"Why not? You can't let him get engaged without knowing your feeling," Alice said with a little frustration in her voice. "You love that guy since years ago!"

"Alice, he _is_ already engaged!" At the moment I was the one who felt frustrated.

"That's why you have to tell him now. You have to help him to get out of that before he is married!"

"Alice!"

"What? No, I don't really care if he is engaged or married. I just want you to let him know about your feeling. You can't just go on without letting him know forever!"

"What? So, you want me to be a home wrecker now?" I said feeling frustrated even more.

"You're not a... " Alice suddenly stop dead at her sentence.

I thought at first that there was someone that came to the kitchen, but I realized that I face the direction of the door to the kitchen. I watched a smile creep to Alice's face and send chills to my spin.

"Listen to what you said!" she finally said with certain happiness in her voice. "So, basically, you also think that you can affect their relationship that way. That you have a chance to make Edward leave his fiancée," she said happily.

"No, I.." I stopped and thought what Alice said over.

"So, you can see it too. You can see that their relationship is not strong enough and that you are really the perfect match for Edward," Alice continued.

No. That was not what I meant. I never thought that I could be a perfect match for Edward. And I also never thought that his relationship with his fiancée was not strong enough. Hell, I even thought that his relationship with his girlfriends before had been good enough. So, that was not really my reason. So, what was exactly my reason?

"No, Alice. That's not what I mean. At all," I said trying to convince her.

"So, what did you mean then?" Alice said with suspicious stare, challenging me.

"I.. I just.. I just don't wanna lose my friendship with him, just because of stupid crush."

Suddenly another thought came to my mind. It was not long before I would really lose that friendship. Not even his friendship. I would lose Alice's friendship too. By taking the job, it meant that I would have to cut lose to their friendship. So, what was stopping me then?

I heard Alice sighed after she heard my reason. "You and I know that this is not just a crush, Bella. You love him. Really love him," she said with certainty. "You can't always hide behind the friendship, Bella. It's like you restrained yourself to stay good for Edward while you can give him the real happiness. You can make him really happy, not just content like now."

At that moment I knew what stop me. Edward's happiness. If I couldn't get to be happy, at least, I knew that he would be happy. The scene in the living room flashed to my mind.

"I can't, Alice," I whispered.

"Why not?"

"You didn't see what I saw."

"What did you see?" Alice asked suspiciously.

"You didn't see when your family was with _her_, Alice. It was like they're really happy. That _you're_ really happy," I said convincingly.

Alice sighed loudly. "Don't judge just by seeing that, Bella. That was just an act. They were telling us that they are engaged. We couldn't just show faces full with sadness and regret."

I stared at her for few seconds. Then I shrugged again. "Still.."

"No. Not still.." Alice still couldn't be convinced. We didn't talk for a moment.

"By the way, please don't force me to come shopping with you tomorrow," I begged her.

Alice stayed silent for a while before nodded. "Okay, if that's what you want," she said easily.

I starred at her suspiciously. Alice never gave up easily if it was about shopping. Something was clearly not right.

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**A/N: So, what do you think?**

**I know it's not a long chapter. This is just kinda a bridge for the next chapter.**

**I'll try to update sooner for the next chapter.**

**Please review to let me know what you think..**

**Thanks for your time :)**


	5. Chapter 4: The Final Resolve

**Chapter 4: The Final Resolve**

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**Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, but for now they're playing what I want them to do :)**

**Thanks ****to the people who took time to read, review, put on alerts and favorites for this story.**

**There is more Edward in this chapter :)**

**Hope you enjoy this one :)**

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**Bella's POV**

Later that night, I tried so hard to be normal. Trust me, it was not easy. I really wanted to act normal to Tanya, but the constant glancing between Edward and her wasn't helping. In the end, I thought I did well enough even though a little awkward.

After dinner, I helped Esme to clear the table and wash the dishes. At first, she had always refused my help, but over the years she finally gave in and let me help her.

"Thank you, Bella for helping," Esme said with her kind voice.

"You're welcome, Esme. It is the very least I can do after you so kindly give me dinner," I said with a teasing smile.

"Oh, hush. Don't talk like that. You know I always love to have you here," she said warning me and made me smile.

After a few minutes, Esme's cell phone rang. "Oh, it's Jane. I think I should take this," she said to me, indicating that she wanted to go outside to take the phone call.

"Okay. Say hi to her for me, please," I said.

Jane was Aro's wife. Mrs. Volturi. She was friend with Esme. She was also very kind to me every time she came to the studio. So, sometimes we talk to each other, mostly about studio. Sometimes Esme bring me and Alice to meet her at the coffee shop.

"Oh, hey," someone came to the kitchen a few minutes after Esme gone.

I turned my head and found Tanya walking to my direction. "Oh, hi," I said awkwardly.

She smiled and stood beside me. "Can I help you with anything?" she offered politely.

"Uhmm.. no, thanks. I got it," I said trying to be as friendly as I could muster.

"Oh, okay," she muttered quietly, but she didn't move.

After a few moments, I gave up. "Do you need anything?" I asked in the end.

"Umm.. no. Not really," she answered awkwardly. "Maybe, I should be back to the living room," she said in the end.

"Okay," I said, giving her a tiny smile before she turned to leave.

She seemed like a good girl. In a way, I was glad Edward found someone that was really kind. Not that his girlfriends before were not kind. They were just polite and not trying enough to be good for Edward and his family. It was like they knew that their relationship with Edward wouldn't last, so they were not seriously trying. At least, Tanya tried to be serious. And that was something different. Maybe because she was already engaged to Edward.

That was something that I should think for considering to give up.

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I awoke by the sunrise the morning after Thanksgiving. Somehow, I felt little relieved with Edward being engaged. It was like one more thing was lifted from my cons list and put it on my pros list. But, on the other hand, it felt like something still not right.

I knew that something that was missing from my life was a companion. And I seriously thought that Edward whom I needed. But, reality turned like this. And I couldn't have Edward. I realized that. It just hadn't settled to my mind. And I needed something to help me settled it.

It was Black Friday. Alice used to force me to go shopping with her, Rosalie, and Esme. I usually had been too tired to argue with her. But, this time since I warned not to force me the night before, she didn't force me. I could go Christmas shopping later. Or maybe I wouldn't have to, seeing that there was high chance that I wouldn't be here on Christmas.

So I was kinda surprised hearing someone knocking on my door. And I got more surprised when I saw who had knocked my door. Edward was standing in my doorway. He was smiling while holding up a bowl that looked hot.

"Hey. Alice said that you felt under the weather. So I thought I could play doctor for you," he said with an easy smile still across his face.

That moment I remembered why I fell in love with him. He had been so kind while taking care of me. He was just always there. I asked him to come in.

"So, what is in the bowl?"

"Chicken soup. I made it just this morning after the women left for Christmas shopping."

I raised my eyebrows. "The women? Tanya went too?" I asked nonchalantly. I guessed that was why Alice gave up so readily the night before.

"Hu-uh," Edward nodded his head while putting the bowl on my kitchen island. "Here Eat the soup while it's still hot," he ordered while offering the chair in front of the soup.

I sat at the chair he offered while he searched around my kitchen. "What are you looking for?" I asked in the end.

He didn't answer for a while before turned to me with triumphant smile. He was holding a spoon that he gave to me after that. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. He was just so cute like that, like a kid who could be happy just for a simple matter. Like finding a spoon for example.

And it just made my heart fluttered again because of his acts. And I would fall for all over again. It felt like while I tried to let go, he wouldn't let me.

I sighed and just ate my soup. I gazed up back at him who sat on the chair opposite of mine. "I'm not really sick, you know?"

Edward just smiled. "I know. I thought that you just wanted to ditch Alice's shopping when I saw you're just fine in the doorway," he said easily. "I'm a doctor, Bella," he stopped. "Oh, well, going to be, at least."

That was true. It was his third year doing his residency in Chicago. He followed Carlisle's lead and decided to become a doctor. Alice followed Esme's footstep and worked in Architecture world. And Emmet just built his own business on what they all like. Cars. Yeah, he opened a car dealership in Seattle with his wife, Rosalie. And Tanya, from the conversation at Thanksgiving dinner the night before, was also doctor who did the residency together with Edward. That was how they met. A perfect match, I thought.

"Uhm.. so, what do you think about Tanya?" Edward asked suddenly.

Thank God, I was not swallowing the soup at that moment, or I would choke. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you are a really important friend for me, Bella. And I really need you to like the woman I choose. I mean, I'm already engaged to Tanya. And I want you to like her too," he tried to explain.

_A really important friend._ Yeah, that was right. You gotta wake up, Bella. That was your role in his life. And just that.

"Uhmm.. well. She's nice. Really nice. You did good choosing her," I answered with a teasing smile.

"Yeah. She really is kind. That was what made me interested in her in the first place," Edward said with a smile on his face.

I never saw him looking like that while he had talked about his girlfriends before.

"But, will you like her? I mean, you're getting along nice with Rosalie. Can you get along like that with Tanya too?"

I stared at him for a few seconds. Those words hurt. He was asking me to get along with his fiancée. How could he ask me to do that? Maybe, because he didn't know, Bella. You dummy.

"Uhm.. I think so. I think I just need time for that. You know? Like how I adapted to Rosalie's presence," I explained.

Edward nodded his head. "Good then. I kinda hope that you will like her."

I nodded my head and back to eat my soup. "So, you'll leave tomorrow?"

"Uhm.. yeah, Tanya planned to have friends come over at Sunday. So, we need to be back on Saturday."

I just nodded my head, listening to his explanation.

"You'll come to the airport tomorrow? I asked Alice and Jasper to take us to the airport tomorrow. You wanna come? Maybe you can get to know Tanya more," Edward offered.

I was really tempted to say no. I didn't really want to _get to know Tanya more_. But, I thought again. It could be my goodbye to him, if I would decide to take the job later.

"Okay."

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We were in the airport's parking lot. In the way to the airport before, Edward tried very hard to get me to make conversation with Tanya. I tried. But, it felt just wrong. Let's just say that that was the most awkward car ride I had ever experienced.

"Uhm.. Bella, can I talk to you for a moment?" Edward asked while pulling me away from the others.

"Yeah, what is it?"

_Please don't ask more from me. Please don't ask me to love Tanya_. I prayed internally.

"Uhmm.. I really don't want to talk about this, but I know that I have to," Edward said with regret.

"What is it?"

"Like I said yesterday that you are _really_ important to me," Edward said emphasizing the 'really' part. "That's why I want you to get along with Tanya," he continued. "I know I would ask you a lot with this. But I really don't want us to be awkward," he said with pleading expression.

"I'll try, Edward," I said tiredly.

"I hesitated to introduce you Tanya. I didn't want to be awkward with you. I kinda really hoped that you had already got over your crush before I introduced you to Tanya," he said with regret clear in his voice.

And when I heard him say that sentence, everything fell into place. Suddenly I knew what I had to do.

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**A/N: So, what do you think about this one?**

**Hope you really like it.**

**Please leave review or critics to let me know what you think about this chapter.**

**Thanks for your time :)**


	6. Chapter 5: Settling Everything

**Chapter 5: Settling Everything**

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**Thanks for all of you. For reading this story. Especially, for people who takes time to review, put alerts and favorites :) **

_**Theme song: Big Girls Don't Cry – Fergie**_

**I just love singing the part "And I've got to get a move on with my life"****. It's kinda suitable for this chapter.**

**This chapter is all about Bella and Edward. So, if you wanna know their history (kind of), you should read this one. Tips: Don't skip the Italic part ;) Though I really hope that you don't skip anything at all.**

**Hope you like this chapter :) **

**Disclaimer**** (for this chapter, I put it below)****: Twilight is not mine. The song is clearly Fergie's. So what exactly do I have?**

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**Bella's POV**

"_I really hoped that you had already got over your crush before I introduced you to Tanya," he said with regret clear in his voice._

All this time, I worried about Edward knowing my feeling, only to know that he already knew. I hadn't told Edward about my feeling so we didn't have to be awkward to each other. I thought if Edward knew, he would have felt depressed.

But I was wrong. He simply didn't care.

The moment I heard those words, I knew that it was just a lost cause. If I hadn't been heartbroken at Thanksgiving, I would have been after hearing his words. And with this, I knew that my cons list was useless. I wouldn't care about the cons of getting the job anymore.

"Crush?" I asked, staring at him. "You knew that I had crush on you," I whispered.

For his credits, Edward looked like he felt bad and regretted talking about this. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to start talking about this," he said with pain in his voice.

I didn't know why, but I felt like I had to reveal the truth. Now, I knew what I needed to help me settle this problem. The closure. I really needed that badly. And my closure was admitting my feeling to Edward.

"Let's not talk about.." Edward started to talk, but I cut his sentence.

"It's not just a crush, Edward," I said staring at him bravely. "It's not. I am in love with you," I whispered. "I fell in love with you. Years ago." I added.

Edward stared at me with a completely shocked face. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he stopped breathing and just stood there and stared at me.

"Remember your eighteenth birthday?" I said with a sad smile on my face.

I could see an understanding down on him by the way he looked at me. It was like he knew what I was talking about.

"I had crush on you since I realized that boys don't give cooties. But on your eighteenth birthday, it was like I started to see you on different light," I said smiling remembering that day. "You didn't just save me from the sea, Edward. You saved me from myself that day."

_Edward had always been kind to me. On his eighteenth birthday, his family celebrated his birthday with a beach party. They invited me and some of his friends to come along. I was just fifteen years old girl back then. I got caught in the wave and almost drowned myself when we, the kids (Alice, Jasper, Emmet, Rose, Edward, his friends, and I) swam at the sea. Edward, being himself, paid attention to me and noticed that I almost drowned. So he saved me and brought me to the beach. His friends, being his friends (jerks), laughed at me._

_I wanted to cry badly after that moment, but Edward, being himself again, stood up for me in front of his friends. After that, I wanted to be alone and just away from anyone. Edward followed me and sat by my side. I asked him to leave but he just stayed there and waited for my sobs to die down. And then he started to tell me jokes and made me laugh. _

_Right then I realized that he really was different from any other person for me. It was not just hero/knight-__i__n-shining-armor syndrome, really. Because it was not the way he saved me from getting drowned or __even __the way he stood up for me, but the way he comforted me that made me fall in love with him. He stayed there, ignoring my request, and comforted me in his way. He stayed by my side, despite anything that I asked him to, and just be himself. It was like he knew what I really needed._

"It was like you always knew what I needed," I continued. "You knew when I really needed someone by my side, and you also knew when I needed alone time. And I just fell in love with you."

Edward just stayed silent. He just stared at me or shut his eyes. I could see pain started to show in his eyes.

"It always feels right being with you. I just realized that I can just be myself around you and you will just be yourself then. I fell in love with you by just watching you stuttered every time we talk about Disney princesses," I said with a smile this time.

Edward flinched a little hearing this, but I could see Edward tried not to smile_. _

_He always had a thing for Disney princesses. Alice loved the movies when we were in kindergarten. And Edward, being Edward, always sacrificed himself and just let Alice watch those in our movie time. Secretly, Edward liked watching the movies too. I caught him smiled while watching the movies when I thought he would have scowled because he had to watch the movies with us again. He confessed to me once and made me swear not to tell anyone because he was embarrassed. It was our little secret_.

"I fell in love because I like watching you got dirty every time we ate spaghetti, despite it is being a girly food because people don't have to get dirty eating that," I continued.

"I fell in love with you because you always forget the title of the songs we sing together even though you know the lyrics by heart. I fell in love with you because you always played doctor for me every time I injured myself. You always knew how to make me feel better," I said with a smile on my face. A genuine smile. Just to remind myself to be brave and strong.

Edward stared at me with expression that made me want to hug him and comfort him like he always did for me. "Bella.."

"I'm sorry," I said cutting anything that he wanted to say. "I'm sorry I have to tell you this," I said with all regrets that I felt. I didn't want to hurt him like this. But, to be able to move on, I needed to do this.

"Why didn't you tell me about your feeling before?" he asked.

I stared at him for like hours, speechless because of his question. And then, I looked away and smile dryly.

"Because I was being a good girl," I answered while looking back at him. He wrinkled his eyebrows and looked confused. "I was being a good girl who didn't want to confess her feeling to a taken man."

He closed his eyes with a pain expression after hearing my answer. He exhaled his breath hard. A moment later, he looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

"Then why are you telling me now all of sudden?"

"Because I'm tired of being a good girl," I said with a teasing smile in my face.

He didn't smile and just stared at me with sharp eyes. It was very clear that he didn't believe me. It made me stared back at him with serious expression before smile sadly. "I just don't wanna say goodbye while keeping it from you," I whispered the words, but I knew that he could hear me.

He narrowed his eyes hearing this. "What do you mean saying goodbye?" asked him harshly.

"I just thought that maybe this is the last chance I can tell you this," I said it while closing the distance between us.

I put my arms around his neck and brought my body closer to hug him. His arms automatically threw around my back and brought me closer to him.

"What do you mean by saying last chance?" he whispered in my ear.

I drew back to look at his eyes. My arms were still at his shoulder. I looked at him for a long time, trying to save his face at my brain's hard disk. I tried to smile genuinely, but I knew that it was pathetic, because I could feel my tears in my eyes.

"Goodbye, Edward," I whispered before turned around and walk away.

I could hear him calling my name, while a woman's voice called his. I knew that letting him go was the right decision even though leaving him there standing by his luggage was the hardest thing to do. I had to do this because there was high chance that it was really the last time I could see him.

I stayed away while Alice and Jasper said goodbye to Edward and Tanya. I texted Alice to let her knew where I was. So she would know where to find me when they were ready to go home.

I knew it was not fair for Edward hearing my feeling in time like this. I knew that I was being selfish and coward to let him know my feeling like this. It was just plain mean. A part of me regretted with what I had done. But, a part of me just felt relieved. I really needed this more than anything. It was just like a lock for my chapter to this part of my life. I really needed this lock if I wanted to start another chapter.

Alice and Jasper found me a few minutes after that. Alice stared at me suspiciously from the rearview mirror. I knew what she wanted to know. But I just didn't feel that I was ready for this yet. I needed to settle things on my own first before I had to talk to her.

When we reached my house, Alice started to get out of the car but I hold her back. I shook my head while looking at her. "Please, Alice. Not now," I whispered those words.

It seemed like she didn't like it, but she get back to the car.

I said thanks to them and got into my house. I had some phone calls that I needed to make.

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After I had finished settling my job. I started to make a list what I needed to do before I had to report back to them. They gave me some things that I needed to do before I was clear to leave. I already called Aro to let him know that I resigned. He didn't like that, but he wished me luck with my new job.

I spent my Sunday going to a few places I needed to go. Actually, I needed to go shopping because I needed some things that were required for my new job. It was the first time I went shopping on my own free will. Under normal circumstances, Alice would kill me if she knew I went shopping without her. But this time, I knew she would demolish me to pieces if she knew what I was doing.

I didn't call anyone and I didn't receive anyone's calls. Alice called me almost every hour on Sunday afternoon. I just let it go to voicemail. I didn't need distraction from anyone when I tried so hard to be sure about my new job. I didn't need anyone or anything tried to talk me out on this.

The moment of peace for me shattered when I saw Alice's car in front of my house. I could see Alice pacing in front of my door when I parked my car. Alice stopped immediately when she heard me coming. I could see that she really was pissed. No, pissed was really an understatement. She really was mad and if she had superpower, I was sure that my car and I would have been exploded.

I drew my breath deeply before getting off my car. She came to me with flame in her eyes. She really wanted to kill me, I'd say.

"What the hell, Bella?" she screamed at me. She really looked furious.

Right at that moment I knew what she was talking about. She had already found out about my new job somehow.

"Alice.." I started to say something.

"Shut up!" she yelled again. "I can't believe it!" she screamed. "Why, Bella? Why?"

"Alice.." I tried to talk again.

"War photographer?" she really screamed my ear off this time.

I flinched hearing this. But I just shut my mouth and bowed my head down.

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**A/N: So, what do you think?**

**I hope you'll give me advices and critics for this one. Because I kinda get a writer's block after this.**

**Thanks for your time :)**


	7. Chapter 6: Secondguessing Myself

**Chapter 6: Second-guessing Myself**

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**Disclaimer: Twilight's characters are clearly Stephenie Meyer's. I just borrowed them for a moment, so they can do everything I want :)**

**Thanks for your reviews.**

**This chapter is especially for Edward to defend himself for what he has done to Bella. I think he needs the chance for that. ;)**

**Hope you like this chapter :) Enjoy!**

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**Edward's POV**

I. Was. A. Bad. Guy.

I got engaged to Tanya just a week ago. Now I second-guessed my engagement and decision because of my old crush.

Yeah, I had to admit that I also had crush on Bella. But, I never thought to proceed and get serious with that because Bella had always been like a sister to me.

I knew that she had crush on me, but I thought that it was just some silly little crush. I never thought that she was so serious with her feeling to me.

She was talking about my eighteenth birthday. She didn't know what effect she had on me since _her_ eighteenth birthday. She was always pretty and cute when we were children. But, on her eighteenth birthday party that Alice threw for surprise, she became beautiful. So beautiful that I started to have secret desires for her.

Every time I was alone with her, it was just pure torture. That was the reason why I always had a girlfriend then because having a girlfriend made me remember to restrain myself. Yeah, I knew, I was a jerk. Real big jerk. But it was that, or being bigger jerk to Bella.

Unlike what people knew about me being serious with commitment like having girlfriends, I hadn't really been trying to tie myself to anyone. Girlfriend or wife. It was just never in my nature to do one-night-stands.

It was not like I needed time to play around or 'tasting the water'. It was just that I simply had not been ready to commit to some more serious feeling. And I always thought that being with Bella (in that sense of purpose), that kind of commitment was needed.

I couldn't just see her as my girlfriend. She was always more important than any of my girlfriend (I was seriously thinking that she was more important for me than Tanya, even). See, how screwed up I was?

Tanya was a different story. Being with her felt so safe. It felt as though I didn't have to lose myself to be with her. She was a really kind girl, like I told Bella. She was also a very understanding girl. With all of those long hours at the hospital, she never demanded much of my attention. And back then, dating just the next numbers on my priority list.

That was why I proposed to her. I knew, I was totally a jerk. But, like I said it felt so safe with her. And being with Tanya really helped a lot.

I didn't have to put up with the constant flirting from the nurses (or doctors, sometimes) because I already had a girl at the hospital. And Tanya, being my girlfriend, never asked much from me. So, I thought that was what I needed. A girlfriend who was really understanding and never made trouble.

She was a really perfect solution for me.

And the really cool part was I also was the perfect solution for her. I knew she never asked a lot for me, because she knew that she could never give me the same thing if I asked her. She was very professional. And I knew that her career was her number one priority.

But, she needed a boyfriend because Eleazar and Carmen, her parents, always demanded her to have a boyfriend. So, that was why she agreed to date me. She needed a boyfriend who didn't ask much from her and I needed a girlfriend who didn't made trouble for me. So, we matched.

We were suitable for each other in that kind of sense. At first I thought it wasn't going to last long, like with all my girlfriends before her. But, like I said before, she never made trouble for me, so we never fought or anything. That was why we didn't breakup even after ten months. And that was the longest relationship I had ever had. Ever.

That was why I decided to propose to her. Because I knew we would break up after Thanksgiving if I hadn't proposed. You know why? Because of Bella.

Well, technically it really was not because of her. But, seeing Bella again just reminded me how it felt to have a real feeling for a girl. And after that, being with my girlfriends was not enough. And I broke up with them. That was why my relationship never lasted long.

But I knew that if I wanted to stay being myself that way, I needed Tanya. And that was why I needed to secure this relationship before I had to face Bella. At least, being engaged would restrain myself from breaking up with another girlfriend.

"So," Tanya started to talk when we were already on the plane. "Is that her?" she asked.

I starred at her, confused at what she meant. "What do you mean?" I asked her.

"Bella," she simply answered.

"What about Bella?" Now I was starting to be suspicious.

"Edward, I'm not stupid, you know?" She looked at me while rolling her eyes.

"I never thought you were," I was still confused at what she was trying to get to.

"Do you really think I wouldn't notice?" She asked still looked at me as if I was really oblivious.

"Notice what?" She's starting to get on my nerve. I really didn't know what she meant.

"You have special bond with Bella," she simply said that as if it really was nothing. Maybe because it was nothing to her. See what I meant?

"Tanya, it's not like that," I started to explain.

"I know it's not like that. What I don't know is why it isn't like that?" She asked again.

"What do you mean?" I really didn't get her. She didn't look mad. So, it was not the case. But her sentence made me confused.

"It's very clear to me, to _everyone_ I think, that both of you really care for each other," she said with an expression as if she demanded explanation from me.

"Tanya.." I really didn't know what to say to that.

"Why didn't you try to date her, Edward?" she asked again.

I was speechless. Here I was, with my fiancée who was asking me why I didn't date another woman. How should a man act in my situation?

"Tanya, it's not really like that," I said that feeling frustrated.

"Edward, I know that you're not really a dick, even though sometimes you acted like one. So, I know that you wouldn't cheat on me or on her, for that matter. That's why I 'm asking you why are you with me now?" she asked. I could hear desperation in her voice, though I didn't know why.

"Tanya, I'm.." I really didn't know what to say. This girl was too perceptive for her own good. "We're engaged, alright?" I said with desperation too. I really didn't want to start arguing with her.

"I know. Do you know what I felt when you proposed? I felt relieved. I thought that I've finally found a perfect life partner," she said with a little smile.

"I thought that, too," I admitted.

"But, Edward. You and I know that we're not really perfect together. We're just so similar and suitable for that purpose. We have the same needs and wants. You're just really a convenient match for me, like I'm to you."

"Tanya, I.."

"Edward, I've never had what you had with Bella. That's why I agree to settle with you. But you don't have to," she said passionately. It seemed like she really was trying to knock some sense to me.

"Tanya.." I was speechless again. Was my fiancée really trying to make me choose another girl?

"Really Edward. How can you settle with me when you have that bond with her?" Tanya was not giving up soon.

"Tanya, please don't.." I started to say before she cut me again.

"No, Edward. You have to see it for yourself," she said trying to convince me.

"Tanya.." I really didn't need to be convinced to choose Bella. I was trying to stick with my decision, but it seemed that decision didn't want to stick with me.

"Edward, I'm not looking forward to lose a perfect partner. Really. But I don't want you to regret what you decided later," she said again. She was really trying to knock down my defense.

"Tanya.. I won't.." before I said anything, she cut me again.

"The ball is in your hand now, Edward. Just think about it, okay?" she said with finality in her voice.

I didn't say anything. I really was not looking forward another argument with her. So, I just shut my mouth.

We're silent for a while. When I started to think that she finally gave up, she talked again.

"Just let me now before you make a decision, okay? I need to prepare myself to face my parents," It seemed that was the only thing that she cared about.

See, how screwed up we were? Told you.

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**A/N: so, what do you think?**

**I hope you like it and can give me reviews to let me know what you really think.**

**Thank**** you**** for your time :)**


	8. Chapter 7: Explanation or Defending?

**Chapter 7: Explanation or Defending Myself?**

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**Disclaimer: Twilight is not mine, obviously. Because if it is, I wouldn't need to be anonymous :) kidding.**

**Thanks for staying with me till this chapter. There is a quote at my profile that will help you to understand this chapter. Here it is,**

"_**We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."**_** – Winston Churchill**

**I thought this quote is what makes Bella feel what she feels in this chapter.**

**I think I need to do some clearance for the ones who reviewed my story for last chapter:**

**To ****vampiregurl****: Thanks for your reviews :) There's nothing wrong with Bella, she won't give him trouble either. Edward's just scared to feel too much. He's not ready for emotional bound that he will feel for Bella if he's with her. And Bella is not trying to kill herself. The explanation of her action is in this chapter.**

**To ****Twisted Musalih**** and ****anamaf****: Thanks for the reviews as well :) I'll try to make Edward make it up for his actions to Bella. Maybe you can help me by giving me advices. I really need that :)**

**Here is the chapter. Enjoy :)**

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**Bella's POV**

The moment I saw Alice pacing in front of my house, I knew that I was going to face a serious row of explanation. Alice would grill me to death in order to understand my decision.

I dragged Alice to my house because I really didn't need neighbors to hear more screaming from her. I assumed The Cullens already knew my new job, I didn't need more neighbors started to talk about me.

It was not bad really. My neighbors just always failed to keep their noses out of my business. Mostly they just concerned about Charlie's little girl, really. Charlie, being the chief of police while he had been alive, was really loved by the people. So, it bound to happen, when Charlie passed away, they started to be concerned about me. Most of the time I felt really touched, but other times it just felt plain annoying. And I really didn't need another drama.

Once we were in the house, I let go of Alice's hand and started to put my purchases at my desk carefully. Alice followed me behind closely, as if I could run away from her like that.

Alice turned me around forcefully and dragged me to the bed. She made me sit on the bed while she started to pace in front of me. A few times she stopped and just glared at me. After a few moments, she really stopped and stared hard at me.

"Explain, Bella!" Alice commanded loudly.

I sighed and looked at her. "What do you want me to explain, Alice?" I ask tiredly.

"What do I want you to explain?" she yelled disbelievingly. "My best friend wants to go to war, and she's asking me what I need to know?" she asked rhetorically. "Everything!" she screamed at me before started to pace again.

"I need to know why the hell you want to do that. I need to know how the hell you manage that." she screamed every sentence on my face. "I want to know where.. when.." at this time she started to slow down. "I. Need. To. Know. Everything," she punctuated every word. "From the beginning."

I drew a breath deeply before saying, "Fine." I sighed and looked at her. "Why do I want to do this? Because I really needed this. I really needed to do this."

"Not good enough, Bella," Alice said accusingly. "Is this because Edward?"

"No!" I said hurriedly. The last thing I wanted was people thought that this job was my kind of way for facing broken heart. "It has nothing to do with Edward," I said convincingly.

That was half a lie. My want to get the job really had nothing to do with Edward. But, if I was being fair, the part of my reason to take the job was Edward. But I really didn't want Alice to know this.

Alice looked suspicious and didn't believe in what I had said.

"Alice, think about it. I get the job before I know that Edward is engaged. And I applied for the job way before that," I tried to reason with her. I could see that she started to believe that.

"Then why?"

I sighed and looked down. "Because I really need to do this, Alice," I said dejectedly. I looked up to her. "It was not that I felt lonely or something," I started. "I just need to do something that's just not for me," I starred at her with begging expression so she could understand.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked still confused.

I starred at Alice for a few moments before I looked down again. "Alice, you know me. You know how I felt about my life," I said while playing with my fingers. "I just always feel that something is missing with my life."

Alice didn't look pissed anymore. She took a seat next to me on the bed. She starred at me, still waiting for me to make her understand my reasons.

I turned my head to look at her. "Look around you," I whispered indicating my house. "I have a good house, a good job. Basically I get a good life. So, what can be missing from my life?" I said rhetorically.

Alice didn't say anything. She just let me did this monologue.

"At first, I thought I needed a companion. I kinda thought to get a cat or a dog just to accompany me to live my life," I said with a tiny smile on my mouth.

Alice flinched hearing this. I'd say that she was kinda glad that I didn't do that.

"I even thought asking you to set me up on dates. Maybe I just needed to get a life, you know," I admitted.

Alice eyed me skeptically as if she didn't really believe that I thought about that.

"But that was not the case, Alice," I said almost just whispered. "I feel that I needed to be needed, you know," I continued starring at her.

I basically begged her and asked for her to understand my reason. Because, if I wished anyone would understand, that person was Alice. Because she was my best friend.

"I needed to feel worthy, that I'm worthy for this life." I stayed silent for a moment. "All I did my whole life was just trying to survive this life. I got a job to pay bills. And I'm really lucky that I get to do what I love. Photography," I said with a genuine smile on my face.

"I feel content with my life, Alice. But somehow, it was not enough. That's why I applied for this job."

Alice sighed hearing this. She didn't look angry at all. She just looked kinda sad. And that made me feel worse somehow.

"I've already done what I love for myself. That's why I decided to do what I love for other people," I continued. "I think this way, I can feel that I will help people. So, I can feel that I accomplish something. Something that is worthy not just for me, but also for other people."

For a few moments, there was silence. I just stayed silent and looked at Alice, waiting for her to say something.

"But.. but what will happen after that?" Alice asked with a sad expression.

I shrugged. "I don't know. Honestly, I haven't thought that far ahead," I admitted.

Alice didn't look satisfied with my answer. "How the hell do you manage to get this job in the first place?" Alice said kind angrily.

I thought she would kill the person that got me this job if she could. I smiled a little seeing her expression.

"Aro knew where I could apply if I want a job like this. He pointed to where I could send my application and portfolio. I really didn't think that I'd get the job, you know. Seeing that I just had three years experience as professional photographer," I explained. "But, it seemed like they like my portfolio. You know all those trips that Aro invited us to go every few months. They were for experiencing the outside world. And it seemed that the pictures I took back then impressed them."

"So, basically it's Aro's fault?" Alice said accusingly.

"No," I disagreed hurriedly. "It's not his fault. He doesn't even like the idea. He's just trying to help me," I defended Aro. The last thing I wanted was Alice (and The Cullens) blamed Aro for what I decided to do.

Alice huffed hearing this. It seemed like she really was trying to find something or someone to blame. "But you don't even know anything about war," she accused me.

"You know that Charlie taught me many things before he passed away," I said reminding her. "He taught me about defense mechanism. About surviving in the wild," I continued. "Besides, they will train me well before they send me off there," I informed her, trying to calm her down.

"But, it's war, Bella!"

"Alice, I won't really be in the middle of the war."

"What do you mean?" she asked fast.

"Well, since it will be my first time, mostly I will be just at the camp. Taking picture of the injured people and the camp's condition, something like that," I explained. "Besides, it will be just for a couple of weeks," I added.

Alice starred at me suspiciously. "You first time?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

I groaned. I knew that she would take that statement out of others in my explanation.

"Bella, what are you planning? Do you plan to do this again later?" she asked disbelievingly.

I stayed silent for a moment and then I shrugged. "If I'm needed to," I answered quietly.

Alice's jaw dropped hearing my answer. She huffed and threw herself on my bed. It seemed like she got pissed at me again. I needed to stir her attention away from that.

"How do you know about my new job anyway?" I asked trying to act as innocent as I could.

Alice was silent for a while. "Aro told Jane," she answered. "And Jane informed Esme at their morning tea today since the girl in question didn't even let us know about that herself," she said accusingly.

I flinched hearing her accusation. "I'm sorry, Alice. I just need to settle this first before I let all of you know about my decision." I didn't know what I was trying to do.

Was I trying to explain to Alice, so she could understand or was I just trying to defend myself, so she wouldn't be pissed at me anymore?

After another silence, I needed to ask something from Alice. "Alice, who else knows about this?" I asked carefully.

Alice shrugged. "Just mom and me, I think," she answered. "Maybe mom has told dad too," she added.

"Can I ask you to do something?" I requested carefully.

Alice stared at me (almost glared) suspiciously.

"Hmm.. don't tell Edward about this," I said slowly.

Alice fully tuned her body to my direction. She narrowed her eyes. "So, this has something to do with Edward," she accused me again.

"No," I said quickly. "No, it doesn't," I said with panic clear in my voice.

"Then why didn't you want Edward to know?"

"Because I don't want him to draw the conclusion like this himself. He will be bound to think that this is his fault if he knows. And I don't want that," I said very clearly.

Alice stared at me again as if trying to look for the truth from my expression. "Honestly, Bella. Does it really have nothing to do with him?" Alice asked again softly.

I shook my head. "No," I said convincingly. "It really doesn't. It really has nothing to do with him. It's just about me and my choices. I need to do this. I want to do this not because of him, but because I _really_ need to do this." I emphasized the 'really' part.

Alice sighed with finality in her expression. "Fine, then," she said, giving up. "When will you leave?" she asked again.

I didn't answer immediately. "Hmm.. I had to go to them in two days," I answered hesitantly.

Alice looked at me in horror. "What?" she screamed at my face again.

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**A/N: What do you think? Hope you like it..**

**I'm kinda stuck with the story.. hope you can help me with it..**

**Thanks for your time :)**


	9. Chapter 8: Is It Really Goodbye?

Chapter 8: Is It Really Goodbye?

**Disclaimer: Twilight's characters are not mine, obviously. But, I do create the plot.**

**Thanks for your comments. Thank you for staying with me and this story till this chapter. I think I should reply to people who write comments for the last chapter:**

**To ****vampiregurl:**** Thanks for your review :) Bella is used to Alice's voice, that's why she can endure the yelling :) Of course, there was connection between getting the job and Edward. The connection was by acting like that, Edward makes Bella have no reason to stay. If only Edward.. say.. accepted her love and they become together, Bella wouldn't accept the job.**

**To ****Twisted Musalih****: Thanks for your review :) Yes, Alice isn't happy. Especially in this chapter because she really has to say goodbye to her best friend. Just read it :)**

**To ****NightFeather****: Thanks for your review :) I'm glad you like this story that much. I'll try my best to continue writing it and finish it.**

**Hope you like this chapter :)**

**Bella's POV**

I packed all my things in a bag. A big bag. And I put the bag in the car. After that, I turned my head around the house to memorize this place. A part of me wished that I could see this place again someday.

After I locked the house, I drove the car away from there.

I made a pit stop before I really hit the road. I parked in front of The Cullens house. I promised Alice and Esme that I would stop by to say goodbye.

All The Cullens (plus Jasper, minus Edward) were in their living room. I could see them because they let the front door opened. They stood up immediately when they noticed I arrived.

"Hi, guys," I greeted as if it was a normal visit.

Alice came to me very fast and hugged me.

"Don't go," she mumbled. I could hear sobs came from her mouth.

I hugged her back for a moment. "Please don't do this," I asked her. I started to feel the tears in my eyes. And I really didn't want to cry in front of The Cullens.

"Alice, please don't cry. I couldn't leave with you cry like this," I said again while caressing her back.

Alice drew back and starred at me. "Will you call me while you're still at the training?"

I flinched hearing her question. "I don't think so. I don't think that's a good idea," I answered honestly.

"Why?" she asked demanding my reason.

"You know me, Alice. I never went away before this. And I'm afraid I will feel homesick if I call you."

"Then how can I know that you're fine?"

"Alice, please understand. I'll call you as soon as I'm back from my assignment alright?" I asked her. But honestly, in my mind, I really didn't know if I could come back. I wasn't so sure that I could survive the war.

"Promise, you'll come back," she demanded again.

I really didn't know what to say to that. I didn't want to lie to her, but if I said the honest thing, she would never let me go. So, instead saying promise, I just hugged her again. "I'll miss you, Alice."

After that I hugged Jasper. He never said many things to me, but I knew that he cared for me too.

"Take care of her, alright?" I whispered to his ear.

"Always," he whispered back. "You take care of yourself too."

And then I hugged Rosalie. She and Emmet especially come to Forks to say goodbye to me.

"Take care of yourself, Rose," I said. "And don't kill Emmet before I come back, alright?" I joked.

Rosalie chuckled hearing this. "You too, Bella. Take care," she said after she could make a serious face again.

After that Emmet hugged me tightly. "Hmm.. my other baby sister," he said while still hugging me.

"Ow, Emmet. Don't break me. I need to be whole when they run the medical check for me," I joked because he hugged me really tightly.

"Please take care of yourself, baby sister," he asked sweetly.

"I will, Em," I said convincingly. "Don't get on Rose's nerves too often, alright?" I joked again.

"I'll try," he answered smiling at me.

Esme and Carlisle enveloped me in a group hug. They always took care of me after Charlie passed away. They were like second parents to me.

"Take a good care of yourself, Bella," Carlisle said.

"And promise me, that you'll try your best and you'll do everything to come back here and be with us again," Esme asked.

It seemed that she noticed that I didn't promise me Alice earlier.

"I promise, Esme," I said sincerely. This, I could promise because I really would do that.

After that, I drove away from The Cullens' House. I looked at them from my rearview mirror. Once again I asked myself over and over again.

Was I doing the right thing? Was it really goodbye? Could I see them again in the future?

I really didn't know any of answers for those questions. I really didn't know if I could see them again. But, one thing that I know, I really have closed this chapter of my life. I already locked it with Edward's key and I was ready to make another chapter.

I made another pit stop before really turning to the road that goes to my new employer's places.

I turned to the Forks cemetery. I needed to say goodbye to Charlie too. I got out of the car after I parked it at the parking lot. I walked to Charlie's tomb. And without realizing it, I felt my tears went down on my cheek.

The cemetery was still quiet because it was still early. I arrived in front of Charlie's tomb and sit down on the stone not far from that.

"Hi, Dad. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," I said while feeling the tears pouring down on my cheek.

"I.." I sobbed before I could say something. "I don't really know what to say. I missed you, Dad. I missed you so much. I wish you were here," I sobbed again between the sentences.

"I really wish you were here with me, so you can give me advice and let me know what to do."

"You always know what to say to me. You always gave good advices. And I really need that now."

"Am I doing the right thing, Dad? Is it really good decision? I'm confused, Dad. I need your direction now."

"I hope I know what you would think. I hope I can be sure that you would agree with me."

"I wish you were here. I wish you could tell me that it would be alright and you're proud of me."

"I hope when I get to see you again, sooner or later, you will say to me that you're proud of me for making this decision."

"Goodbye, Dad. I love you. See you later."

**A/N: What do you think?**

**I know it's not long chapter. I don't know what to write for this one.**

**Hope you'll give me more advices.**

**Thanks for your time :)**


	10. Chapter 9: Choosing Easy or Happy?

**Chapter 9: Choosing Easy or Happy?**

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**Disclaimer: Twilight is clearly not mine. But I borrowed the characters for a while.**

**Here is another chapter with Edward's POV. Enjoy :)**

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**Edward's POV**

I couldn't take Bella out off my head since I came back to Chicago. And I couldn't take my conversation with Tanya from the plane out off my head either. Both of them drove me crazy, in different ways. Tanya didn't know how to stop talking and Bella didn't know when to start talking. If only Bella told me sooner, it wouldn't become a mess like this. And if only Tanya didn't talk too much, there wouldn't any thought of another possibility in my head.

Aaarrgghh.. I was going crazy because of them.

Well, I wasn't free of the blame, I supposed. If only I didn't become a coward and just admit my feeling to Bella, I wouldn't be in this mess. Or if only I just stayed cold-hearted like before Thanksgiving, I would just get over Bella and continue my life with Tanya. Everything would be easier like that.

But, if it was easy, would it be worthy?

I awoke at the crack of dawn alone. Our bed was empty on Tanya's side. I looked around the room, but she wasn't there. I frowned. Usually it was me who woke up first.

"Tanya?" I called her name.

"Living room," Tanya's shouts muffled by the door to our bedroom.

I got up and left the room to find my fiancée. I found her sitting at the couch in front of television with phone in her hand.

"Yes, Mom. I'll think about it," she said while turning her head to look at me. She grimaced while indicating the phone conversation.

I grimaced too and turned to leave the room. The phone conversation with her parents was usually a mess. They asked too much, they talked too much, and they demanded too much. Everything about them was all just too much. I chose to not get involved with that.

Tanya usually decided most of our decisions when it came to them. When she needed to talk to me about something, usually she would ask me after the phone conversation ended, not while it was going on.

I took a shower before went to kitchen to fix something for our breakfast. Tanya was not the type of girl who thought that breakfast was important. But, I, being raised by Esme, always got breakfast before I started my day. So, it was me who usually made something for breakfast.

Tanya came to the kitchen when I flipped the last pancake for our breakfast. I glanced at her direction for a second before back to focus on the pancake.

"What is it this time?" I asked her about the phone conversation.

I heard Tanya sighed. "I shouldn't tell her about the engagement," she grumbled while starting to pick the plates and set up the table.

"Why?" I asked flipping the last pancake to the big plate and turned off the stove.

"She doesn't stop talking about marriage," Tanya answered while going to the coffeemaker and pored two cups for us.

I put down the big plate in the middle of our round table. I didn't respond to her statement. It was my fault, I knew that. I made this mess.

I sat down on my seat and start to take the pancake to my plate. I poured down some syrup on it. Tanya did the same, but she continued to look at me while doing that.

I sighed and put down my fork. "Then what?" I asked still feeling confused about this mess.

Tanya cut her pancake before brought it to her mouth. She chewed for few seconds before swallowed it. And then she sighed and put down her fork too. "She wants us to come up for Christmas, seeing that we visited your family for Thanksgiving," she said grimacing at the idea.

I flinched hearing this. I always came home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It was some kind of family tradition for us, The Cullens, to celebrate the holiday together in Forks. Since I usually didn't have a girlfriend on Christmas, it never made trouble.

"Tanya, my family.." I started to talk before she cut me off.

"No, Edward, it's not about your family's tradition. It's about _your_ decision about all of this," she said looking at me seriously.

I flinched again. "I don't know what to do," I admitted.

"You love her, right? So why didn't you just end this engagement?" Tanya asked with frustrated tone.

"Why are you talking like that? If you really want me to end this engagement that badly, why don't you just call it off?" I said feeling frustrated too.

"I want the ring," Tanya said shrugging. She looked like she was joking but I couldn't be sure.

"You want the ring?" I asked disbelievingly.

"I really like the ring. If you're the one who call it off, I'll get the ring. But, if it's me who end it, I have to give the ring back to you," she said matter-of-factly. "It's tradition, Edward," she added nonchalantly smirking at me.

"Tanya, be serious!" I said desperately. I was pretty sure it wasn't just about the ring. She could afford the more beautiful, expensive, and extravagant ring. Besides, if it was really the case, I would just simply give her the ring.

Tanya laughed drily. "Alright. It's not just about the ring, although I really like it and I don't wanna give it back to you," she said with more serious voice. "Edward, I don't want to be the one who end it because it's not my decision to make. It's yours, Edward," she said with kind expression.

I didn't respond.

"The real question is not even about our engagement. The real problem is if you'll be brave enough to face your feeling for her or not. Will you go to her and beg for her forgiveness once our engagement over?" she asked.

"Tanya, you said it as if our engagement will be over for sure," I pointed out.

Tanya shrugged again. "I kinda think that it's obvious," she said easily.

"So, basically you have decided to break up with me," I said again.

Tanya didn't respond for few moments. "I feel like I don't have a choice, Edward. I could feel it from the moment we landed in Chicago few weeks ago, our relationship is falling apart," she said quietly.

I flinched. "Really?"

She smiled drily. "Actually, the moment I found out about your feeling for each other, I knew that it is bound to happen sooner or later," she said again.

There was silence for few moments.

"You're a really a good friend, Edward. Despite of this mess we call engagement, I want you to be happy. You have a chance for that. That's why I really try to make you see reason and start to make amend with your feeling for Bella," Tanya said with voice that sounded really wise.

I didn't say anything for a while, trying to think what she just said.

"Edward?"

"Okay," I answered immediately.

"Okay what?" Tanya asked looking confused and suspicious.

"I break up with you, Tanya," I said calmly. "And you can get the ring," I added cheekily.

Tanya snorted. "That's good. I really like this ring," she said easily touching the ring with a satisfied smile.

A few seconds later she looked at me seriously. "And what will you do after this?" she asked looking concerned.

I didn't answer for a while. "I'll try to short out my problem with Bella when I go home for Christmas," I finally said it. I finally made a decision that I should've made weeks ago.

Tanya smiled hearing my statement. "Good for you," she said easily. "Now, let's talk about something more difficult," Tanya said with mocked seriousness in her voice.

I frowned feeling confused to what she referred to.

"What should I tell my parents about you?" she added half-jokingly.

Little did I know that my decision wouldn't solve the problem just like that. There would be a huge disaster when I came back to Forks later.

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**A/N: So what do you think?**** Hope you like it.**

**Please let me know by writing the comments in the box below :)**

**Thanks for your time :)**


	11. Chapter 10: The Late News

**Chapter 10: The Late News**

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**Disclaimer: I definitely don't own Edward, hmm.. I mean Twilight.**

**Here is another chapter. Enjoy :)**

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**Edward's POV**

Ever since the break up, I was busy to look for another apartment. I needed to move out because it was Tanya's apartment that we were living. We decided to move in together when we decided to get serious. Her apartment was better than mine and closer to hospital. Now, I was homeless. Well, that wasn't exactly true. Tanya didn't mind that I crashed in her guest room for a while. But, surely I couldn't live with her forever, since we were broken up after all. That was why I decided to look for another apartment.

I called home to tell them that I would be home for Christmas. Alone. Alice was the one who answered the phone. She really was home a lot since she was the one who lived closest to home.

"Hey, Alice. Where's mom?" I asked after she greeted me.

"She was out to meet a client," Alice answered easily.

"What are you doing at home then?" I asked slightly being confused.

"Well, in case you don't notice, Edward. It's my parents' house too," Alice said snidely.

"No, I mean. Why are you there since you're alone in the house?" I asked again to clear what I meant. "Geez, Alice. Don't be rude like that," I added grouchily.

Alice didn't answer my question for a few seconds.

"Alice?" I asked to the phone feeling confused because she didn't say anything.

"Sorry. I just need to take something from home for my work," she finally answered. "Why do you call?" she asked.

I frowned hearing the way she was asking me. She sounded distance and little rude. "Hmm.. I just want to tell you that I'll be home for Christmas," I answered ignoring her tone.

"Oh, okay. I'll tell mom later," she said. "Will you bring your _fiancée_?"

I didn't like the way she said 'fiancée'. It sounded like she was being sarcastic or something. "Hmm.. no. Tanya will celebrate the holiday with her parents," I answered half-telling. I would tell them about the break up when I was home.

"Oh. Okay," she said again.

I could feel it. She was acting strange. I knew that, but I didn't know why. "Alice, is something wrong?" I finally asked.

"Hmm. No?" the way she said it sounding as if it was a question.

"Really?" I asked, still didn't believe her.

"Yes, Edward. There's nothing wrong." Now she sounded annoyed.

"Well, okay then," I gave up asking her before she became really mad at me. There was silence. "Hmm.. how is Bella?" I asked casually.

"Why do you ask?" she asked me back sounding suspicious.

"Well, she's my friend too, Alice. I just want to know how she is."

"She's.. hmm.. just being busy with her work," Alice sounded hesitant when she answered my question.

"Oh, okay."

I didn't know what to say anymore, so I just said goodbye and hanged up.

I replayed my conversation with Alice. Maybe Bella had told her about our conversation at the airport last month. Maybe that was why Alice felt annoyed with me. Well,, I would try to make it up to them then when I was home.

Bella was busy with her work. It was good, then. At least she acted normal and lived her life normally. I was really worried about her. But, being busy was good. Maybe that was her way to forget about our problem.

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A few days after my phone call with Alice, I went home. No matter how far and how long I was away for college and my residency, Forks would always be my hometown. I would always call my parents' home as my own home.

I opened the front door with my keys. It was two days before Christmas and the living room still looked like a mess with the Christmas ornaments and undecorated tree. I smiled a little seeing this because the mess made it felt more like home.

"Mom? Dad?" I shouted to call my parents.

My mother appeared from the kitchen. "Edward?" she exclaimed and opened her arms to hug me.

I hugged her back. "Hi, Mom," I greeted her and kissed her cheeks.

"It's good that you're home," she said smiling warmly.

"It's good to be home," I said happily. "Where are the others?" I asked.

"Oh, your dad got called by the hospital. There's emergency. He'll be back by night, I hope. Emmet and Rosalie will be here tomorrow. Alice and Jasper will have dinner here later," she answered before turning to go back to the kitchen. "I'm making cookies. Just freshen up, okay? I'll be at the kitchen."

"Okay, Mom," I said before going to my bedroom.

After I showered, I laid at my bed for a while until I heard a car pulling in the driveway. I got up from my bed and went down the stairs. I heard Alice's voice calling my mother when I reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi, Alice," I greeted her when I saw her wanted to go to the kitchen.

"Oh, hi, Edward," she said flatly before going to the kitchen.

I frowned seeing her behavior. Was she mad at me? I went to the kitchen and found her and my mother having conversation about their job. She chatted casually and kinda ignored me.

"Alice, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked cutting off her conversation.

She turned her head to me and frowned. "Fine," she huffed and turning to go outside.

I followed her to the back porch. "Okay, what's wrong?" I asked feeling really confused.

"Where's your fiancée?" she asked me back and ignored my question.

I frowned. "Why do you ask?" I replied with another question.

"Did you break up with her?" Alice asked accusingly.

I gapped at her. How did she know that I broke up with Tanya? I didn't answer her question but by seeing my reaction I knew that she knew my answer.

"I knew it!" Alice exclaimed. She started hitting my chest. "I. Hate. You!" she yelled with each punch.

"Alice, what are you doing?" I asked trying to make her stop. "Alice, stop! What the hell is going on?" I asked again while catching her hands.

"I hate you!" she shouted before folding her hands in her chest.

"Why?" I asked feeling confused again.

"It's your entire fault," she exclaimed again.

Suddenly I felt dizzy. She didn't make any sense. "Alice, what do you mean? Mind if you explain from the beginning about my fault?" I asked feeling frustrated.

"Why did you reject Bella?" Alice asked after a few minutes of silence.

I frowned hearing her question. "Bella said I rejected her?" I asked feeling confused. Was that what I did? I wasn't sure, but it didn't feel like I rejected her.

"No. She didn't say anything. I just assumed," Alice said looking unsure. "What exactly happened between you two?" Alice asked again. "She didn't want to tell me anything about you. So explain to me!" she commanded.

I frowned. It didn't feel right doing her command just like that. But I didn't know why, it felt as if I really had to answer her dutifully. So, that was what I did. I told her about the conversation I had with Bella at the airport. Well, most of it anyway.

"That's what happened. I didn't feel like I rejected her because she was just _telling_ me, not asking.. question," I said finishing my story.

"Damn it, Bella!" Alice muttered under her breath, but it was loud enough for me to hear it.

"Now, will you tell me what happened?" I repeated my question.

"Why did you break up with Tanya?" Alice asked again.

I frowned hearing this. "Tell me why I should answer your question when you didn't answer mine?" I asked her challengingly.

"Why did you break up with her, Edward?" she asked again firmer than before.

I didn't know why, but I felt like I had to answer that. "I don't know. It's just falling apart like that," I answered in the end.

"Why? Is it about Bella?" She asked again.

I frowned. I didn't want to admit it to her yet, but I didn't really have choice. "I guess," I mumbled.

"You like her," she accused me. It was not a question.

I flinched a little hearing this. "Yeah," I mumbled again.

Suddenly she started hitting me again. "You like her and you knew that she like you too. Why did you get engaged?" she asked again still hitting me.

"Alice, stop!" I said catching her hands again. "What's wrong with you?"

"You, what's wrong." She groaned loudly. "Shit!" she cursed loudly. "I never thought you as coward, Edward! But now, you really become the biggest coward in the world," she exclaimed angrily.

"Can you tell me what I did wrong first before cursing me?" I exclaimed being little annoyed. Of course, I knew what I did wrong and of course I knew why she called me coward. But, it wasn't like it couldn't be repaired. I would apologize to Bella tomorrow and I was prepared to do anything to make it up to her.

Alice glared at me for a while. "Bella's gone," she said coldly.

I froze. "What?" I asked slowly. "What do you mean Bella's gone?" I asked again harshly. Suddenly, I felt afraid.

"She took a new job. She's gone," Alice said again.

"Where? Where did she go?" I asked again. I gripped her shoulders.

"Let go, Edward!" she exclaimed trying to be released from my grip. I let her go. "I don't know where she is," she answered.

"What?" I exclaimed disbelievingly. "Damn it, Alice! Tell me where she is!" I started to yell.

"I don't know, Edward! Honest!" she answered angrily.

"Bullshit!" I shouted to her face. "How can you not know? You're her best friend, Alice!" I yelled again.

"She didn't tell me where exactly she wanted to go!"

"And she just went away like that? Without telling you anything?" I asked still yelling and still didn't believe her.

Alice ground her teeth. "She took a job as war photographer."

I froze again. I felt my blood drained from my face.

"She left two days after you went back to Chicago," Alice added softly.

Suddenly, I felt like I needed to hit something. And that was what I did. I hit the pillar beside me as hard as I could. I could hear crack in my hand when I did that.

**A/N: So, what do you think? Hope you like it.**

**I really thank you for vampiregurl, Twisted Musalih, Maggie Davis, and the guests who gave comments for the last chapter. You guys are awesome and made me enthusiastic again to continue this story. Thank you :)**

**Please leave comments in the box below. Thanks for your time :)**


	12. Chapter 11: Deciding What's Next

**Chapter 11: Deciding What's Next**

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**Disclaimer: Twilight's characters are not mine**

**I'm sorry if I took long time to update. I kinda have writer's block. So, please give me advices for the next chapter. I'm not sure what I should write. Here is another chapter still from Edward's POV. Enjoy :)**

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**Edward's POV**

"Shit! Damn it!" I muttered the curses while trying to endure the pain.

Alice gasped while she looked at my hand. "Edward, what are you doing?" she exclaimed trying to touch my hand.

I stopped her. "Don't touch. It's broken," I said trying to calm myself down. I took few deep breath before I could speak again. "Did she do that because of me?" I asked Alice while cradling my hand. I knew it was broken and I didn't want to deal with it for now even though it hurt like hell.

"Edward, we have to check your hand first," Alice said looking at my hand with concern in her eyes.

"Not now, Alice. I need to know about Bella first," I said trying not to grimace because of the pain.

"No, Edward. Come on, I'll drive you to hospital first. Hopefully Dad's still there," Alice said trying to drag me carefully.

"But, Alice.."

"No, Edward. I'll tell you everything after we deal with your hand," Alice said firmly. "Why the hell did you do that?" she asked while we were on their way to hospital.

"I don't know. I just need to do that," I mumbled the answer.

I heard Alice snorted. "You sounded like Bella," she said looking ahead of the road.

I turned my head to look at her. "What do you mean?" I said feeling confused.

"That was what Bella said when I asked her why she accepted the job. She said that she just needed to do that," Alice said frowning.

"What exactly happened, Alice?" I asked again quietly.

"I don't know. Suddenly Mom told me that Bella wanted to be war photographer. She heard it from Jane. Then I confronted Bella. I asked many questions. She just said that she wanted to be worthy. She needed to do that because she wanted to feel that she could help people with her skill. Something like that," Alice answered still frowning.

I didn't comment for a while. I could feel the pain really got to me. Not only physically, but also emotionally. "Is it because of me, Alice?" I mumbled the question.

Alice didn't answer immediately. "She said no when I asked her that," Alice answered.

"But?" I asked sensing a 'but' in that answer.

"She said that it has nothing to do with you. It's just about her choice," she said not answering my question.

"But?" I asked again. I looked at her and suddenly she looked really tensed. "Alice, just answer my question," I encouraged her.

Alice turned her head to look at me. Her eyes were pleading me, but I didn't know why. "I don't really believe her," she finally answered with regret clearly in her voice. I felt that Alice was really mad at me and blamed for what Bella had done, but she didn't want to hurt me more than necessary.

I closed my eyes trying to ease the pain. But, of course it didn't work. I thought the only thing that would ease my pain was seeing Bella again in front of me with healthy condition. No matter what she would do to me, what she would say to me, I would accept it as long as I could see her happy.

"Stupid.. stupid.. stupid.." I mumbled to myself while hitting my back and the back of my head to the seat behind me. I felt like an idiot. Why couldn't I have been braver? Why hadn't I admitted my feeling to her? Stupid!

"Edward, stop that!" Alice said and tried to grip my shoulder. "You have to hold on, Edward. It's not over. Don't think it's over!" she warned me.

Of course I knew it wasn't over. The only thing that would make it over was if Bella wasn't coming back. And I really didn't want to think that. I'd rather die first than hearing that news. "I know, Alice," I mumbled.

We arrived at the hospital at that moment. They paged my dad to come to ER when I was admitted. My dad was surprised seeing me at the ER. "Edward, what happened?" he asked while checking my hand. He looked up to me with concerned eyes. "It's broken," he said.

"I know," I said simply.

"We need to do the Rontgen to make sure," he said and went to set that up. "Why is your hand like that? You didn't involve in a fight, did you?" My dad asked me when we were waiting for the Rontgen.

"No, I hit the pillar at home," I answered simply.

"Why did you do that?" he exclaimed looking upset. "Edward, you know very well what could happen if you do that. You're learning to be a doctor. It's stupid to do things like that when you know already what the consequence is!" he scolded me.

I just shut my mouth. I didn't want to explain to him why I needed to do that. Especially not here. So, I let him to rant about it and just listened to that.

"It's really broken," he said again when he saw result of the Rontgen. "We need to tend this," he said sighing and brought me back to the ER. He set things we would need for my hand. He wrapped my hand and set it in a cast. My dad shook his head frowning and sighed again.

"What is it, Dad?" I asked him in the end.

"You know how long it'll take for your hand to heal, right?" he said while looking at me with a frown. I nodded my head to answer his question. "What will you do with your residency, Edward? You can't come back there with your hand in a cast like this, Edward. You can't work with your hand in this condition," he said still frowning.

Of course I knew that, but it hadn't got to me until my dad said it. I frowned too. I couldn't work with my hand looking like this obviously. I had broken up with Tanya. So what exactly did I have in Chicago?

Alice came to get me when she saw me walked out of the ER. "What happened?" she asked immediately when she saw the cast that held my hand.

"Well, it's broken like I told you. Dad tended to it," I answered simply. "Come on, let's just go home. Dad will be home in an hour or so."

Alice pulled away from the hospital's parking lot. "What will happen to you with your hand like this, Edward?" she said glancing my way.

"I don't know, yet," I answered. We were silent for a while. "Why didn't you tell me about Bella the moment you found out?" I asked quietly.

Alice sighed hearing my question. "Bella asked me not to," she answered simply.

I grimaced hearing this. "It's really because of me, isn't it?" I commented dryly.

Alice flinched a little. "I don't know. But, maybe you have something to do with it. I think Bella's reason is sound. But, she wasn't totally honest with me."

I nodded my head to indicate that I agreed with her statement. "What can I do to fix this, Alice?" I asked desperately. I really didn't know what to do. The girl I loved was out there in the middle of war. Wait a minute, loved? I loved Bella? Tanya had said that, but I hadn't thought much about that. But, now I admitted to myself, even though unconsciously, that I loved Bella. God, I loved Bella. Why did I do something stupid thing like that at the airport? Why did I propose to Tanya? Why did it have to take Bella's going to war to make me realize it? Stupid.. Stupid, Edward!

I wasn't saying anything but I guessed my expression said it all. Alice looked at me with concern in her eyes. "Edward, are you okay? What are you thinking?" my sister asked with concerned voice.

"I just realize how stupid I've been," I said weakly.

Alice frowned. "If you want me to contradict that, don't hold your breath!" she said simply.

I grimaced dryly. "Yeah, I know."

Esme greeted us with concerned expression in her face. She checked my hand before scolding me, like my dad. I just listened to her rant before hugged her with my left hand, the one that wasn't injured, and whispered my apology for making her worry like that. After that I went to my room and tried to think about my future plan.

I couldn't use my hand for at least one month. It would take even more time to use it like I normally did afterward. So, I couldn't work at least two months. What would I do in two months? Looking for an apartment in Chicago? That wouldn't take two months. And I wasn't sure I would be fine in Chicago. I would need someone to help me with chores, like cooking, washing dishes, keeping my place clean, and so on. I couldn't ask Tanya to do those things for me. We were already broken up. So what would I do with things like those? Would I have to hire a helper for that?

I started to think a new plan over and over again. My head was full with many things that I had to do to make the plan worked. Beside those, I had to get my parents' opinion about it too. Maybe I should ask them later.

Suddenly I heard Esme called me to let me know that dinner was ready. I entered the kitchen and found my parents, Alice, and Jasper were already sitting around dinner table. "Hi, Jasper," I greeted when I took my seat beside my mom.

"Hi, Edward," Jasper replied while eyeing the cast on my hand.

I smirked. "Oh yeah. You heard? I picked a fight with the pillar. Clearly it won," I joked a little.

Jasper chuckled hearing my joke, but my dad frowned. "Edward, it's not funny. You know that you won't be able to work when you still wear the cast, right?" my dad scolded me.

"Yeah, I know, Dad," I mumbled.

"So, what will you do?" my dad asked again.

"I'm thinking to move back here," I said and making the room fell silent.

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**A/N: What do you think? Hope you like it :)**

**Special thanks for Twisted Musalih, Firill, Maggie Davis, Hayley, PiperMcLean351, musicfreak239, and guests who wrote the comments. You guys are really awesome.**

**To reply for the question at the comments: I think I'll make Bella's POV for later chapters. For now it's Edward's POV. Because Bella's POV will make it to the war scene, and I admit that I'm not sure I can write that ;) About phone call, Edward was clearly being a coward, so he didn't call Bella during the time he was in Chicago because of that. Besides, he thought (or I thought too) that it would be an awkward conversation if he did call her. And he (or I?) didn't want the awkward conversation ;)**

**Please don't forget to write more comments and advices ;) Thank you for your time.**


	13. Chapter 12: Planning and Sharing

**Chapter 12: Planning and Sharing**

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**Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight's characters at all, though I wish I could have Edward at least.**

**Here is another chapter for you. This is the longest chapter so far. Enjoy :)**

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**Edward's POV**

The silence enveloped the dining room for a while. My parents gapped at me with their jaw dropped. Alice stared at me suspiciously. Jasper just looked at me, looking like he was trying to guess what my plan really was.

"What do you mean, Edward?" my dad asked looking really serious.

I shrugged. "I just thought that I don't have anything there anymore. I broke up with Tanya and my residency has to be delayed for now because of my hand. So, what reason do I have to stay there?" I said honestly. "I'm thinking to move my residency here while I'm still healing," I added.

My dad sighed. "Are you sure?" he asked again. He looked skeptical.

"And you'll stay here permanently?" my mom suddenly asked looking excited. I guessed she looked happy with this news.

"Well, not exactly here, mom," I said carefully. "I'm planning to move to Seattle, I think," I added weakly. I didn't want to give my mom a false hope.

"Oh, okay, fine. But, you'll stay in Settle permanently, right?" my mom asked again. Her mood looked dim little.

"Mom, what exactly do you mean permanently?" I asked feeling not sure with what my mom was thinking.

"I mean, you'll stay in Seattle for the remaining of your Residency and then you'll also work there. You don't plan to move back to Chicago after your hand healed or your residency finished, right?" my mom stated her question clearly. She looked at me with hopeful eyes.

I smiled little at her. "I think so, mom." My mom looked visibly relieved hearing my answers. I guessed she wanted me to stay close to home. I knew I couldn't stay away from here, especially when Bella came back later. I would have to pursue her and beg for her forgiveness.

Suddenly I realized that my family still looked at me as if waiting for me to tell them something. I looked back at them with confused expression. I couldn't read their minds. If they wanted to know something, they should ask me directly.

"What exactly will you do in Seattle, Edward?" my dad finally asked me realizing that I wouldn't say anything else.

I shrugged a little. "Well, my general plan for now was trying to find an apartment and arrange my residency," I paused a moment to think. "I haven't really thought about the detail of the plan. Besides, I do have almost two months to carry out the plan," I added. My dad just nodded his head while still looking like he was thinking about what I had said.

"And then what will you do? What about Bella?" Alice asked me looking concerned. Suddenly the tension in the room increased. I could feel it and I could see it on the faces around me. My parents looked tensed, but there was confusion on their face. Jasper wrinkled his forehead as if he was confused and concerned.

"What do you mean about Bella, Alice?" my mom asked quietly. Suddenly, I realized what was going on. My parents didn't know anything about my and Bella's business. They had looked tense at first, but then I could see that they were actually sad thinking about Bella.

I glared at Alice for bringing up about this topic in front of the others. If they didn't know about my problem with Bella, why couldn't they be kept in the dark about that? Besides, it was clear that my mom really looked sad remembering Bella. I kept glaring at Alice while trying to think about what I should say to answer my mom's question. I didn't care about Alice's question for now. I could talk to her about this later when there were just the two of us.

Alice didn't say anything to answer my mom's question. She looked at me as if wanting me to answer that question while she was the one who made the mistake of mentioning this topic. I stared back at her and shook my head a little. I wished that the only person who got my signal was Alice. Alice sighed and rolled her eyes. She clearly looked annoyed with my decision. She turned her eyes to see my mom.

"Nothing, mom," Alice said looking as innocent as she could. She was a really good liar, so even I could almost believe her if I didn't know that she was lying. The only person who knew that she was lying, beside me, was Jasper. That fiancé of hers clearly knew her too well, even better than my parents. There was something special about their relationship that even my parents' or Emmet's and Rosalie's relationship didn't have.

My parents didn't say anything about this. It seemed like they preferred to avoid this topic. I frowned a little realizing it. It wasn't like I wanted to keep talking about it. But, my parents' obvious reaction about this was kind of disturbing for me. It was as if they didn't want to remember Bella at all. I wanted to ask, but I knew better. I would ask Alice about this later.

After that, dinner went on in silence. My mom offered desert for us after dinner, but I wasn't in the mood for that. I gave signal to Alice, so I could talk to her as soon as we finished here. I excused myself after I thanked my mom for dinner. I walked to the back porch to wait for Alice. I knew she would come to talk to me. She still hadn't been satisfied with my answers. And I still wanted to know many unclear things.

A few minutes after that, Alice arrived at the back porch with Jasper following behind her. Like I said before, it was so clear that there was no secret between them. So, I was pretty sure that Jasper already knew my problem with Bella. I even suspected that he knew more than me. Even if Alice didn't tell him, Jasper clearly knew that there was something going on between Bella and me since he had been at the airport when the incident had occured. He also had been here when Bella left while I had been in Chicago at that time. So, I concluded that Jasper had known many things, and it was useless to start hiding something from him now.

"What was that all about, Alice?" I asked once Jasper had closed the back porch door because I didn't want my parents to know about this. It was safer if the door was closed so the sound of this conversation wouldn't reach my parents.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked looking genuinely confused with my vague question. I couldn't blame her since there had been many things going on at dinner.

"Mom's and dad's reaction about Bella. Why was it like that?" I asked again to clear what I had meant.

"Why do you think it was like that, huh?" Alice asked sourly. She folded her arms on her chest as is challenging me. "Bella is like a daughter to them. They love Bella almost as much as they love us, Edward. When Bella left, it was like they lost a daughter that day. So, they don't want to remember that," she finally answered my question looking sad.

I sighed hearing Alice's explanation. I closed my eyes and rubbed my face with my uninjured hand. "I'm sorry," I said it even before I realized what I had said. I stopped feeling confused to what I had done myself.

Alice looked at me as if she was judging me. Jasper, on the other hand, looked at me with sympathy on his eyes as if he knew why I had done what I had done. Alice sighed after a few seconds staring at me. "It wasn't really your fault, Edward," she finally said with a sad tone. "And I couldn't blame Bella either. It was just freaking coincidence that the whole things happened at the same time. You got engaged and Bella got the job offer. It was like Bella got an excuse to leave for the right reason and in the right time, so she left."

It was clear that she really was sad, but she wasn't crying. Alice didn't just losing a best friend when Bella left, she lost a sister too. She and Bella had special bond that even Rosalie didn't have with her. There had been times when it had been only Bella who could reach her. They had a bond that was even better than my and Emmet's.

_Stop thinking that they lost Bella, Edward! _Suddenly I blamed myself thinking that. They didn't lose Bella because Bella would be back. She would come back. I told my self over and over again.

"What will you do about Bella, Edward?" Alice asked suddenly cutting of my train of thoughts.

I looked at her feeling unsure about how I would answer this. Honestly, I didn't have plan about what exactly I would do. I just knew I had to apologize to Bella. And I would beg her if I had to. "I don't know. I just know that I have to apologize to her," I finally answered feeling unsure.

"You mean you'll just wait for her to come back and apologize to her?" she looked at me as if I was crazy. "You will just stay here waiting for her to come back?" she repeated her question.

I sighed. I knew it sounded like I was giving up or something. But, I didn't exactly have a choice. "What can I do other than that, Alice?" I asked her back. "What? Searching for her? Where? She could be anywhere around the world," I paused. "Okay, fine, maybe I can get information about her whereabouts. But, then what? I go after her? Alice, it wouldn't be easy to go there. I'm surprised that Bella could go just like that. They wouldn't let me come near Bella's location even though I can be in the same country. I'm just a civilian, Alice," I said feeling frustrated suddenly. "A civilian with broken hand," I added bitterly.

Alice came forward closing the distance between us. She threw her hand around me and enveloped me in a hug. I just could put my left hand on her back. "I'm sorry, Edward. I know it would be difficult, or even impossible for you to go there," she said quietly. "I wouldn't let you to go even if you could," she added.

"What?" I asked feeling confused.

She looked up to me with a sad smile on her face. I hated seeing her sad like that. She was my baby sister. Seeing her like that felt like I had failed as her brother because for now my obligations were making her happy and making my parents proud. And it seemed like I failed for both.

"I won't let you leave even if you can," Alice repeated her words. "I can't do that to mom. She was really sad seeing Bella left. And she would be crushed if you leave too," she explained. "I can't do that to her or even to myself. I don't want you to be in danger too," she said hugging me again. There were tears on her eyes that was starting to fall on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Alice," I said while wiping the tears on her cheeks. Those are the only words that I could say. I didn't know what else I should say. I had failed to be a good big brother for her. No matter what I would do, she was bound to get hurt. I knew she didn't want me to just sit around waiting for Bella to come back, but she didn't want me to go after Bella either.

Alice hugged me again. And then she shook her head which was on my chest. "It's not your fault. It's just.. I just thought that if we do something about her, she can be back sooner. I just hate not knowing anything like this," Alice said quietly.

There were sniffles in her voice. I stroked her back trying to calm her. Jasper came closer to us and put his hand on her shoulder. It was like he wanted to touch her in some way to make sure she knew that he was there. Alice's sniffles became sobs in few seconds. She hugged me tighter while crying on my chest. I just kept stroking her back and kissed her head. As long as I knew, Alice had never reacted like this to anything. She always acted cool and composed because she was always in control. In this situation, she couldn't be in control.

For just few minutes, we stayed like that. Jasper and I just stayed there and let Alice to release all of her sadness. Jasper looked at her with concerned eyes. Suddenly he looked at me with some expression that looked like he was grateful. I looked back at him feeling confused.

"It's the first time she cries like this after Bella left. It's good seeing her can share her feeling to people," Jasper said to explain to me.

I just nodded my head because I didn't know what else I should say about it. One thing I knew for sure was I would try my best to make Alice happy like she usually was.

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**A/N: so, what do you think? Hope you like it.**

**Special thanks for ****lizclaire****, vampiregurl, PiperMcLean351, Hayley, Maggie Davis, and blueyez2010. ****You guys are really awesome. You're the reason I'm still writing this story. Love you, guys ****(^o^)**

**To answer your questions: Bella will be back in few chapters. Honestly, I haven't got idea yet about how many chapters. ****Please wait and keep reading the story :)**

**Please leave ****more**** comments, advices, or even critics in the box below. ****You can write anything there. ****Thank you :)**


	14. Chapter 13: Rearrange My Life

**Chapter 13: Rearrange My Life**

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**Disclaimer: I don't have anything to do about Twilight, but can I have Edward, please?**

**Here is another chapter. This is the longest chapter so far for this story. Enjoy :)**

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**Edward's POV**

Rosalie and Emmet came home on Christmas Eve. They brought some happy atmosphere that influenced me a bit. Emmet came with a bag full of presents that he brought on his shoulder. He looked like a Santa Claus wearing jeans. He even laughed like Santa with his loud voice. My mom just sighed and shook her head seeing her eldest son acting like that. Rosalie, on the other hand, looked annoyed and hit Emmet on the back of his head.

"Emmet, stop acting like that! There's no child to be entertained by doing that," Rosalie snapped while taking a seat.

"But, there will be, Rose," Emmet pleaded to her.

Suddenly the room fell silent hearing Emmet's words. I looked at him feeling confused before I turned my head to Rosalie. "OH MY GOD!" Alice squealed before any other people in the room could react. She ran to Rosalie and pulled her up before hugging her.

Mom gasped and walked to Rosalie to congratulate her after Alice. "Congratulation, Rose," my mom said hugging her and kissing her cheek. "Ohh.. a grandchild for us, Carlisle," she said excitedly to my dad.

My dad just chuckled and kissed Rosalie's cheek before pull mom to his embrace. Once I overcame the shock, I slapped Emmet's shoulder hard. "Finally, huh?" I said half-teasingly. Emmet had wanted a child for a long time, but Rosalie wanted to wait. Emmet just laughed hearing my words. "Congratulation, bro," I said hugging him.

"Thanks, bro," he said back to me.

I went to Rosalie to hug her. "Congratulation, Momma," I said half-teasingly and made her chuckled.

Jasper hit Emmet's shoulder before shaking his hand. "Congratulation, Em. Hopefully, you can grew up before the kid born," Jasper said jokingly.

"He will. Or I will make sure this is his only child," Rosalie said threatening Emmet. But, there was slight smile on her face that was indicating that she was joking.

I could see the happiness on my family's faces. It was so obvious that they really were waiting for this child. This child would be so spoiled, I was sure. Suddenly, I felt alone. Looking all of my family's faces, feeling the happiness in the air, I couldn't help but felt alone in the middle of this. It was like I was just the outsider who was watching the show. I could see and I could even feel the happiness, but somehow the happiness didn't reach me.

God, I felt pathetic.

We had dinner happily after congratulating the happy couple. My mom and dad looked really proud. They really looked happy with the news of a grandchild. Emmet had been married to Rosalie for more than three years. My parents had been waiting for a grandchild for a long time. The funny thing was I thought they didn't even look old enough to be grandparents.

After having dinner, the women decided to have women talk at the kitchen while they forced the men to leave the kitchen immediately. We, the men, decided to have drinks at the back porch. Dad had a cup of coffee while Emmet, Jasper, and I had beers.

"When exactly Rosalie will be due?" dad asked the happy father-to-be.

"The middle of July," Emmet answered grinning. He looked really happy and proud.

"Whoa, July baby. Are you really ready to be a father, Em?" Jasper asked half-teasingly.

Emmet was still smiling. "Of course. I really have been waiting for this for a while," he answered looking really sure.

"What do you want? A boy or a girl?" I asked.

"I don't really care. I'm happy for either boy or girl. As long as the baby and Rose are healthy, I'm happy with anything," my brother answered still smiling.

Suddenly, dad's phone rang. "I have to answer it. You boys just continue talking," dad said walking back to the house. He seemed to go to his study.

The moment dad was out of the hearing distance, Emmet turned to me with serious face. "What happened to your hand?" he asked curiously. It seemed like he had been holding back the question and interrogation until dad wasn't around.

I glanced at my broken hand before looking back at him. I shrugged nonchalantly. "Just a little misunderstanding with the pillar," I answered jokingly trying to get Emmet's mind away from the real problem.

Emmet frowned. "Don't lie, little brother. I know you. It must be something serious if you hit the pillar like that," he said looking really serious and concerned. I hadn't seen Emmet looking like that often. He was the joke-maker, the laugh of the family. He always made the joke when the family was trapped in the seriousness or sadness.

"Nothing, Em. It's not serious," I said trying to convince him. "So.."

"What is it, Edward?" Emmet asked again cutting my attempt to change the topic. "Is it about Bella?" he added.

I froze. I looked at my brother with my wide eyes. "Bella? What do you mean about Bella?" I asked slowly and carefully though I knew that he could have suspected something because of my expression.

Emmet rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on now, Edward. You know that I'm not that stupid. Besides, Rose is really perceptive about things like that. We've known that there's something between you and Bella. Moreover, Bella is not really good at lying. We could see her feeling clearly at Thanksgiving," Emmet said.

"What feeling are you talking about?" I asked again, still feeling unsure to what I should say about my problem to Emmet.

"Her feeling for you, of course. You do realize about that, right?" he asked suddenly.

I closed my eyes for a second before sighing. "Yeah, I know," I finally answered.

Emmet smirked. "Have you finally realized that you love her too?" he asked smugly.

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean?" I asked pretending to not knowing what he was talking about. I didn't like the direction of our conversation. Emmet looked smug while Jasper tried to hold back a smile. I really didn't like their expression.

"Edward, let's just face it. We all have known that Bella is special to you. You're always protective of her. Hell, I still can remember the way you punch Jacob Black for making Bella cried in High School," Emmet said smiling widely. He looked like he was proud remembering my fight with Jacob Black while I grimaced remembering all of the punishment that I had received back then.

Jacob Black had asked Bella out once in High School. He had been on the same grade as me. He had been pursuing Bella for a couple of months on our senior year. Bella had been just freshman back then. Black had been kinda popular since he had been one of the best basketball player back then. I never knew why Bella hadn't accepted him. Maybe it had something to do with me. Anyway, Black's action had become really bad and compulsive. He even had forced to kiss her one day. I had seen her crying in the parking lot one day. She told me the story between the sobs when I asked her. I looked for Black instantly after that. Once I had found him, I punched him. He punched me back, of course. We fought for a few minutes until someone called the teacher. I got detention for weeks while he had just received a week detention. My parents had even grounded me for starting the fight.

That was the only serious fight I had ever had. I wasn't a hot-headed person. I always thought before I acted. But, somehow every time it was about Bella, I just lost my head. Hence the broken hand I had right now.

"Come on, Edward. Tell me everything. We all know the basic problem here. I just don't know what exactly had got to your head for hitting the pillar like that," Emmet tried to persuade me.

"Just admit it to him, Edward," Jasper encouraged me with a smirk on his face.

I rolled my eyes. They were really something. They liked to torture me every time they got a chance. I sighed and gave up. I told Emmet about my conversation with Alice the day before. Emmet looked serious listening to my story until the part when I had hit the pillar. He whistled and chuckled hearing that. He clapped his hands before slapping my shoulder.

"I didn't know that you have it in you, little brother. I thought the only way for you to express your feeling was by playing your piano. I never thought that you would be hitting something like that," Emmet said chuckling.

I rolled my eyes again hearing his insult. But, like it or not, he was kinda right about that. Like I had said, I wasn't a hot-headed or violent person. I usually poured my feeling or energy through music or running, not hitting or throwing things like that. I really had lost my head.

"So, what will you do?" Emmet asked again.

I shrugged. "I'm planning to move to Seattle," I answered easily.

Emmet looked brightened. "Really. That's good news. It's been awhile having you around, little brother. I even had to pay people when Rose wanted to redecorate a room. If only you were around, I could just use you," Emmet said shaking his head. He looked as if he was full of regret because of that.

I hit his shoulder. "I'm not your servant. You would pay me more if you want my help," I said half-amused half-angry.

Emmet rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Anyway, you can stay with us when you arrange all of the shit you have to arrange," he offered seriously.

I smiled a little. "Thanks, Em," I said sincerely. Joking aside, I knew I could rely on him when I needed to.

The Christmas this year, there was slight sadness in the air that all members of my family must have felt. One of us couldn't celebrate Christmas together with us. Bella was always a member of this family no matter what. This year, my only hope was she was okay no matter where she was and she could come back and celebrate Christmas with us next year.

To the contrary of that, there was a happy atmosphere because of the baby news. There was another of the increasing little member of the family. Next year, there would be little person who would be spoiled rotten by every member of this family.

* * *

After Christmas, I stayed at my parents' home for almost two weeks before going to Chicago to manage all of things I needed to do for transferring my residency. Tanya wasn't happy when I told her about my decision, but she said she had known this was coming. She had been pretty sure that I would want to go back to Washington after I had decided to pursue Bella. But, she was pretty shocked when I told her about Bella being the war photographer. And she was really disturbed seeing my broken hand. But, in the end she just sighed and shook her head seeing me pack my things.

I stayed at Tanya's apartment when I settled all of the things I needed to settle. I sent all my things via mail to Emmet's house since I would stay there until I got an apartment in Seattle. There was no use to send the things to Forks. And Emmet offered a room for me to use at his house.

Besides my things, I needed to settle about my residency. My mentor in hospital wasn't happy either hearing my plan to transfer. He asked me to reconsider. He could persuade the hospital to let me take some times off because of my hand. But, my decision about going back to Washington had fixed. After I said goodbye to the hospital's staffs I knew, I left the hospital without a glance back.

After all of that finished, January had been almost gone. It was the last day of January when Tanya took me to airport for my flight home. I hugged her before kissing her cheeks. She asked me to promise to keep in touch. After promising of staying friends with her, I boarded the plane with calmed heart. It was like a chapter of my life had been finished before I needed to start another chapter. And I felt ready to start my new life in Seattle.

* * *

I started my residency at one of hospital in Seattle in the middle of February. The hospital wasn't as big as the one I had left in Chicago. But, it felt really great to start the residency. The staffs were so friendly, and a few of them even were too friendly for my liking. Emmet teased me because I got admires even before I started my residency officially. He said that it was a curse and a fortune that The Cullens would get admires every where they went. And you need to notice that Emmet included himself in that situation. The brother of mine was really too conceited.

With all of my busy activity, the pain I always felt every time I tried to sleep was subsided a little. I was always wondering about Bella. I even asked Aro constantly about that, but he didn't get any news either. Bella had been gone for too long. She was due to be back at the early of February. I was really restless every time I thought about her.

I sighed and tried to concentrate to write the report I needed to finish for today. The doctors' office had been getting quieter along with the tic-toc of the clock. It was getting late, but I still needed to finish the report.

It was fifteen minutes after nine at night when my phone suddenly rang. It was my dad. I picked it up happily before I froze after listening to my dad's words.

"Edward, there was a news from Aro about Bella.."

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**A/N: So, what do you think? What news will you like to read about Bella? Hope you like this chapter :)**

**Special thanks ****to**** vampiregurl****, TwilightFreak19, dabest12, lizclaire, PiperMcLean351, and ****janv5310**** for giving comment on the last chapter. You guys are really awesome :)**

**I'm not really sure when I can update the chapter. I really need an idea for the next chapter. Hopefully someone can give me ideas :)**

**Please leave comment or critic about what you think of this chapter. And I'll be really grateful if you can give me more idea. Thank you for your time :)**


	15. Chapter 14: Is It The End?

**Chapter 14: Is It The End?**

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**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. Obviously.**

**At first, I thought this chapter would come out late because I hadn't written the chapter at all last Tuesday. But, somehow after I decided to write again, I just couldn't stop. The italic paragraphs were the flashback. So, here is another chapter. Enjoy ^.^**

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**Bella's POV (finally!)**

When I had heard someone tell me that when you were about to die, you could see flashes of your life, I hadn't believed them. But, somehow I was experiencing it.

Today was supposed to be our last day at the war zone. Marcus and I were supposed to get on plane tomorrow to get out of this place. Marcus was the lead photographer who had hired me more than two months ago. He was Aro's friend and I had sent my portfolio and my application letter about the war photography to him three months ago. Marcus had hired me and taught me anything I needed to know to be a war photographer.

Like I had told Alice, I was just his assistant because this was my first time. I had never wandered off too far from the camp while he was always off somewhere to take amazing photographs. In a way, I was envy of him. But, I understood the arrangement.

So, today I woke up from my short sleep in the crack of dawn with happy mood. I would be coming home tomorrow. I had felt really satisfied being here and done my job. It was more than I had hoped. But, somehow, it didn't feel real. I felt like I was in the life or death game or something. So, I was so happy thinking about getting home, back to the peace of Forks.

My happy mood was shattered instantly after I was fully awake. The camp was in the buzz. There were many people who looked really tensed and busy. I got up immediately to get some information about what had happened while I was asleep. One member of the squad told me that there were some attacks not too far from the camp. It was about two miles from camp. My usual range to take pictures was one mile from camp. But, Marcus was off somewhere and I was sure that there was some kind of important things that happened about the attacks. Someone should get the photograph of those. So, I decided to go with the rescue squad to the place of the attacks.

In the way to reach the place, I asked the members of the squad what exactly had happened. They just said that there were some injured members whom they needed to rescue and bring back to the camp. That was my assignment to get the photographs of rescuing someone in this place. So, I never thought that I was stepping on Marcus' shoes.

When we got there, I had to take deep breaths a few times before getting off the car. The scene in front of me was really terrifying. But, I knew that I had to hold back any emotions that I felt. No matter what, I had to grimace when I saw the injured people there. There were four of them. The rescuing team tended to them immediately. And I took the photographs of the process. Some of the squad members were guarding the area.

I didn't remember exactly what had happened, but I remembered that someone shouted "RUN!" Like some of other things that Marcus had taught me before we came here, when the members of the squad you were in told you to run or hide, you obeyed their command. So, that was what I did. I ran immediately from that place.

About ten steps after I ran, I heard some loud "BOOM" at the area around me. I fell and while I was trying to get up, I heard another "BOOM" and I could feel the ground shook. And at that moment somehow I saw the flashes of my life.

"_Bella, your mother isn't coming home. She had to be the hospital for now," Daddy told me softly while he I asked him where my mommy was. I was about seven years old and mommy hadn't been at the house for a few days._

_Daddy took me to the hospital. I met Dr. Carlisle, my best friend's father, who greeted us when we were in the lobby. He patted my head a few time and stroked my hair for a moment before letting us go seeing mommy. Mommy was sleeping in the white room. And she looked really thin that made me remember of the movie "Nightmare before Christmas". I didn't know why, but I was really scared suddenly. Christmas was coming, but mommy wasn't sleeping at the house._

I couldn't breathe. But, somehow I knew that I had to try really hard to do that.

_Daddy was holding my hand when we walked between the tombs. We were wearing black and many people were walking behind us. Alice, Edward, and their family were walking right behind us. Daddy was holding mommy's picture. I looked up to him few times to be sure that daddy was here with me. I knew mommy would never come home anymore and daddy was all I had._

_I felt my lower lip wobbled when my eyes started to water. I wanted to cry really hard and called out for mommy. But, I was a big girl, so I have to hold back. I looked up to daddy again. There were tears at his eyes and he looked really sad. And I didn't want to make daddy be sadder if he saw me cry. So, I hold back my cries._

The sun was starting to shine more. And the ground was getting hotter by the minutes. I knew I had to look for a place to hide.

_I was at home when the phone suddenly rang. I didn't go to the phone immediately because I was cooking some dinner for me and Charlie. After the third ring, I turned off the stove and ran to the phone fast._

"_Hello," I said to the receiver._

"_Bella? Are you there?" A voice that I recognized as Deputy Sam from the police station came out from the receiver._

"_Yeah, Sam. I'm here," I said with friendly voice. Sam was like an uncle for me. He was always playing with me when I was a kid._

"_Bella, Charlie.." somehow that two words sent chill to my back. Right then, I knew something had happened._

"_What happened to dad?" I asked immediately. I could hear the panic__,__ that I felt suddenly__, in my voice__._

"_He was involved in a car crash. He was brought to hospital five minutes ago. Can you drive here or I need to send someone to pick you up?" Sam was explaining. But, somehow the words that had really got to my head was the first seven words._

_I felt my head spinning. Charlie was in a car crash. My daddy was in the hospital because of a car crash. I couldn't breathe._

"_Bella, are you there?" I heard Sam's voice from the receiver. "Bella?" he practically screamed at me._

"_Yes. I'll.. I'll go to hospital immediately," I said between the pants._

"_No. Don't!" Sam shouted immediately. "Dr. Cullen just called his children. They will pick you up and bring you to hospital."_

_I just sat there with receiver still in my hand minutes after Sam ended the call. I was still trying to breath. It felt like I had been frozen. I couldn't move and I couldn't think clearly. All of the thing that I could think was Charlie, my daddy was in the hospital. __And I knew that it was really bad if Sam sounded like that. __Somehow, my mind flew to the event when I was seven years old._

"_Bella, your mother isn't coming home," daddy's voice was in my head._

"_Bella, your mother isn't coming home."_

"_Bella, your mother isn't.."_

"_Bella!" Alice's voice came to my head._

_I looked up to se Alice was kneeling in front of me. "Alice.. daddy.." that was all I could say before sobbing._

"_I know. Shh.. Bella, it's gonna be okay. We have to go to hospital," she said while trying to make me get up. When she wasn't successful, she screamed. "Edward, come here!"_

_I felt two strong hands picked me up from the floor and brought me out of the house. "Shh.. Bella, it's gonna be fine," Edward's voice was trying to calm me._

_He put me at the backseat and closed the door after Alive got in after me. Alice hugged me immediately while Edward was starting the car. I was in limbo during the ride to hospital. But, somehow I snapped out of it when Edward stopped in front of the hospital. I ran out of the car and enter the lobby. Some deputies from the police station were there. They directed me to the emergency room where Charlie was._

_Sam was in the room when I opened the door. Carlisle and some other doctors were doing something to Charlie. Sam turned his head to me and held me in his embrace while he led me to Charlie's bed. I looked at the doctors' faces. They looked sad, frustrated, and some other emotions that I didn't bother to analyze. I looked to Charlie when the doctors gave me the room to come near Charlie. He looked really bad. The blood and the scars were everywhere. But, somehow he was still breathing even though I could see that it was hard for him to do that._

"_Daddy," I said while I felt the tears on my eyes. I hadn't called him daddy for years. I stopped calling him that when I entered high school. It felt a little childish to call him that. So, I called him dad or Charlie. But, somehow this time I felt like I was back to be the seven years old girl that just lost her mother at the same hospital. "Daddy," I called again. And this time it made Charlie opened his eyes._

"_Bella.." he said my name softly. I took his bloody hand and brought it in front of my face._

"_Daddy, you have to hold on," I said to him between the sobs. Even when I said those words, I knew that it was impossible for him to do that._

"_Sorry, Bella," he whispered the words before trying to breathe again._

_I shook my head hearing this. "Daddy, no," I said between the cries._

"_Be strong, kiddo," he said before closing his eyes._

"_DADDY!" I screamed at him trying to wake him up. "NO, DADDY!"_

I crawled trying to look for the place I could hide. The flashes of my life made remember Charlie's last words to me. "Be strong, kiddo." And I told myself over and over again to be strong. Charlie hadn't called me kiddo for long time. That was his favorite name for me when I was a kid. And that was the name that he had used in his last words. "Be strong, kiddo."

"_It's not just a crush, Edward," I said staring at him bravely. "It's not. I am in love with you," I whispered. "I fell in love with you. Years ago." I added._

"_I just don't wanna say goodbye while keeping it from you."_

"_I just thought that maybe this is the last chance I can tell you this." _

"_Goodbye, Edward," I whispered before turned around and walk away._

I panted when I finally reached the abandoned building I thought I could hide in. I could feel the pain on every surface of my body. I was afraid to look at my body, so I didn't. I didn't know what kind of scars that was caused by the explosion. I just shut my eyes and prayed that someone would rescue me.

"_Promise, you'll come back," Alice demanded again._

"_I'll miss you, Alice."_

"_Take care of her, alright?" I whispered to Jasper's ear._

"_Always," he whispered back. "You take care of yourself too."_

"_Take care of yourself, Rose," I said._

"_You too, Bella. Take care," Rosalie said._

"_Please take care of yourself, baby sister," Emmet asked sweetly._

"_I will, Em," I said convincingly. _

"_Take a good care of yourself, Bella," Carlisle said._

"_And promise me, that you'll try your best and you'll do everything to come back here with us again," Esme asked._

"_I promise, Esme," I said sincerely. _

"_Goodbye, Dad. I love you. See you later."_

Suddenly I couldn't hold the pain anymore. My head started to get fuzzy. I could feel that I started to lose my conscious. I fought and fought to stay awake. But, it seemed like I was fighting the losing battle. And everything went black.

"_Be strong, kiddo."_

"_Take care of yourself, Bella."_

"_Promise you'll come back, Bella."_

"Bella.."

"Bella.."

Some voices called my name. Voices that was really familiar. I tried to see, but everything was black. And then I realized that my eyes were closed. I tried to open them, but it was very hard. I could feel the pain all over my body. I tried to move my fingers, and somehow I could do that. But, my eyes were very hard to open.

"Bella, please wake up," someone familiar said that.

Someone hold my hand.

"Bella, sweetie, please wake up." Another familiar voice.

I tried to open my eyes again. And I succeed. But, everything was fuzzy. I could see faces above my head. Familiar faces. I tried to blink my eyes a few times to make the faces clearer.

I saw my best friends' faces, Alice. And then Edward's. And then Esme's. And then the rest of The Cullens'.

"Bella, thank God," I could hear Esme's voice before I felt my eyes closing again.

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**A/N: So, What do you think? ****I****n my imagination ****this chapter**** was so sad. I hope you can feel the emotion I felt ****through**** my writing. Hope you like it :)**

**I have to admit, I don't know anything about war. So, this chapter is actually focused on Bella's pain and the flashback.**

**Special thanks for janv5310, blueyez2010, stormy315, Twisted Musalih, TwilightFreak19, Maggie Davis, j macphail, PiperMcLean351, and a Guest. Thank you so much, guys for giving the comments. Love you :D**

**I needed to ask you guys. Should I write more? Because I don't have any plan yet. So, please tell me whether I should write another chapter or it is enough. Please give me advices and ideas. Please leave comments in the box below. Thank you :)**


	16. Chapter 15: The Reunion

**Chapter 15: The Reunion**

**Disclaimer: Don't own any of these characters..**

**I'm sorry for the late update. I really had difficulties to write the continuation of the story. But, I really tried, though I ended up update later than I should. Here is another chapter. Enjoy :)**

**Edward's POV**

I never thought that I would have ever felt like this, but I was feeling it. I had ever admitted that when it was about Bella, I had always lost my head. My calm composure was gone the exact time my dad said those words about Bella over the phone. And somehow my quiet life was becoming really frantic because of that phone call.

"_Edward, there was a news from Aro about Bella.." my dad's voice reached me over the phone._

_I froze instantly. "Wh.. what?" I stuttered the first word that came to my mind._

"_Aro just called and he said that his friend had contacted him to give news about Bella," my dad tried to explain to me clearer._

_I tried to breath. "And what's the news, dad?" I finally asked after I succeeded to control my breath._

"_Edward, you have to stay calm, okay?" It seemed like my dad knew that I had trouble to control my emotion. "Bella's in New York. She's injured. Aro's photographer friend, the one who hired Bella, brought her back to the country a few days ago. He was the one who called Aro to inform us about Bella," my dad explained to me._

_I could hear his explanation. But, somehow the things that stayed at my mind were Bella's back but injured. I had to go to her. I had to._

"_Dad.." Before I had the chance to speak my mind, my dad cut me._

"_I know. I've arranged our flights to New York. I just want to tell you to meet us at the airport tonight," he explained again._

After I had heard that sentence, my life was whirlwind. That time, my head had been full of Bella. I just remembered enough to tell my mentor and the hospital that I was just about to take leaves even just after a few days since I had started my residency. I didn't even care what they would say or what would happen to my residency. In my head, the most important thing was getting to Bella as soon as I could.

I met my family at the airport. When I said my family, it was literary all of my family members. Alice, Emmet, Rosalie, and even Jasper were trailing behind my parents when I saw them. I should have guessed that they all cared about Bella as much as I did too. We waited for a few minutes for Aro to come. When I saw Aro strolling to our direction, I jumped out of my seat as soon as possible.

That was the longest flight of my life. It was not just about getting to New York, it was more about feeling worried over Bella's condition. But, I knew to stay calm. No matter how impatient I was, I knew that I couldn't do anything to make this plane fly faster. Unless I was a superman. Okay that made a distraction. My dad advised me to sleep for the flight, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Bella in really bad condition. I knew that my imagination might be just too much, but a part f me knew that there was a possibility that Bella was worse than that.

Once we got out of the airport, Aro was looking around for his friend. His friend, the one who had hired Bella, was planning to pick us up to avoid the complication of the traffic in the airport. A few minutes later, minutes that made me more frustrated, someone called Aro's name. We turned around and found a man, around 40, was running toward our direction. Aro walked to his friend.

"Marcus," Aro greeted his friend and hugged him.

That man looked weary and tired, but he smiled a little when Aro hugged him. After that Aro introduced us one by one. I shifted on my foot, feeling impatient, but I didn't want to act impolite. It seemed like everyone could feel my feeling, Marcus looked at me with an understanding smile on his face before he lead us to his car. We all tried to fit in the SUV. It was comfortable enough. I didn't really care. All I cared was being with Bella as soon as I could.

About half an hour later, Marcus parked his car at the hospital parking lot. We practically ran to Bella's room. Well, _I_ ran as my dad tried to remind me that this was a hospital. My dad was really a good doctor. Marcus stopped in front of a room. I stopped behind him while he was opening the door. My heart was thumping in my chest. I tried to take a long breath to calm myself, but it was useless. I stepped my foot inside the room slowly. It seemed like my family and Aro knew how important this moment for me, so they were waiting for me to go inside patiently.

I took around the white room. My eyes stopped at the bed that was occupied by Bella. I released my breath that I had held without realizing it. She didn't look that bad, but I knew that she could be injured internally. I stepped closer to the bed. Now I could see that she was covered by the hospital sheet almost her whole body. My dad was walking beside me. He picked the board that was hanging on the foot of the bed to look at Bella's condition. I knew I should have done that too, but it seemed like I forgot for a moment that I was a doctor too. My dad was reading the board for a minute before looking up at me. His expression wasn't bad. It seemed like Bella's condition was not that bad.

Suddenly the door, that had been closed by Emmet, the last person who entered the room, was opened. I didn't turn around to look at the person who opened the door. It seemed like my eyes was stuck at Bella. Someone walked around me to get to Bella. I looked up and saw a doctor and a nurse. They smiled at us.

"Hello," he greeted us friendlily. Marcus greeted him back and explained to him who we were. The doctor nodded his head a few times before looked at us. "I am Dr. Chenney. I'm the doctor who handle Miss Swan," he said introducing himself while shake our hand one by one.

"How is her condition?" My dad was the one who asked the question. It seemed like he was in full doctor mood. I just turned my head back to Bella while listening to the doctor's explanation.

"She didn't get injured internally, but the burn on her skin is pretty bad." Dr. Chenney started the explanation. I frowned hearing this. Her face didn't look injured, just a few bruises along her cheekbones. He lifted a part of the light sheet that was covering Bella. My eyes widened when I saw the burns along her hands. "Her skin was burned badly, especially on her left side. Her right arm was burned slightly. We've been keeping her under anesthetic, so she didn't feel too much pain," he explained while put the light sheet bad on its earlier place.

My eyes didn't move from the sheet that was covering Bella again. I tried to calm myself.

"The.. the burns. What will happen to them?" Alice's voice shook when she asked the question.

"Some of them will be healed. But the bad ones, the ones that are on her left arm, on her left leg will take longer time. And most of them will leave scars," Dr. Chenney explained with concerned voice.

"Will she be in pain badly because of them?" This time Esme was the one who asked.

"After they heal, she shouldn't be in too much pain. Now, they are in the process of healing, and it can cause her too much pain, that was why we gave her the drugs."

"When will she wake up?" Emmet asked. He sounded depressed. This was the first time I heard his voice like that.

"We just gave her the drugs this morning. So I think she will wake up this afternoon."

"When will we be able to bring her home?" Alice asked again.

"That will be a little difficult. She can't fly before the burns are healed, so I think she will have to be in hospital for a few days. After she's released, she still can't be in a plane immediately."

After that, the doctor got out of the room. My family sat at the couches that were in the room. I took a seat beside Bella's bed. A few minutes later, Alice came and sat beside me. She held my hand and squeezed it as if to give me some strength. I turned my head to her and smiled sadly.

Aro and Marcus were chatting quietly on the other side of Bella's bed. I paid attention when their discussion got to Bella's incident. Aro asked what really had happened to Bella.

"I didn't know that she got hurt until I got back to the camp. Some soldiers were dead because of those same bombs. Bella was not supposed to go that far from the camp, but I guessed that it seemed important so she couldn't let the opportunity to pass," Marcus explained.

After that I turned out their discussion and focused my eyes to Bella's face. _Why d__id__ you have to do that, Bella?_

"I was away from the camp at that time. Once I was back, I was informed that there were some attacks and Bella went with the rescue squad. About an hour later, there was news that the squad was attacked as well. We tried to get there as fast as we could. I really felt responsible if something happened to Bella. When we got there, we saw some soldiers dead because of the explosion. But, there were some that looked like they were shot in the head. I got really worried because it seemed that the attackers wanted no one live. But, I got a little hope because I didn't see Bella's body. We searched the ground around that place. Thank God, we found Bella at some ruins, hiding, but injured badly. We got her to the camp as fast as we could so she could get some medical treatment," Marcus continued. "I tried to make some arrangements so Bella could get out of there as fast as possible. And here we are."

"Thank you, Marcus for all you've done to help Bella," Carlisle said wisely.

Marcus nodded his head. "It's no problem at all. Besides, I really felt that Bella was my responsibility while we were there."

A few minutes later, Marcus excused himself to go to do some errands and Aro accompanied him. My family was left to keep eyes on Bella. I didn't know what to do. I felt useless sitting here looking at Bella, but I couldn't do anything to help her. I couldn't even hold Bella's hand because I was afraid to hurt her.

A few minutes became a few hours. And before I knew it a day had come and gone. My family went out and came a few times. They tried to persuade me to eat or even take a shower, but I was really reluctant to leave my seat beside Bella's bed. Honestly, I felt guilty. Somehow I felt I was responsible for what had happened to Bella. It felt like it was my fault Bella went to war at the first place.

Suddenly my eyes caught some movements from Bella's bed. Bella's fingers were moving. I called my family over, so they could be here when Bella finally woke up. I turned my head to Bella again and started calling her name.

"Bella.." Esme called her name immediately.

"Bella.." Alice followed calling her name.

I moved my hand to hold her fingers that weren't burnt. "Bella." I called again and I saw that she was opening her eyes.

"Bella, thank God," Esme said, but before we could follow her, Bella closed her eyes again.

**A/N: So, what do you think?**

**I really am sorry for the late update. Honestly, I don't know when I can update again. Hopefully I can overcome the writer's block that I keep having. I was planning for two chapters more for this story.**

**Thank you to stormy315, janv5310, TwilightFreak19, dabest12, Twisted Musalih, Maggie Davis, PiperMcLean351, j macphail, xXtWiLiGhTcRaZyXx, LeelaCullen, musicfreak239, gisel, and guest. Thanks for the comments and I really apreciate them. Thank you so much for the support. Love you guys :D**

**Thanks for the time to read. And I hope you can leave comment in the box below :)**


	17. Chapter 16: Overcome The Guilt

**Chapter 16: Overcome The Guilt**

**Disclaimer: I don't have any rights to claim any of the characters.**

**Here is another chapter. This is the longest chapter for this story. Enjoy :)**

**Edward's POV**

Bella didn't wake up the rest of the day. The doctor said that there was nothing wrong with that. She was just still under the effect of the drug. I didn't move from my seat and just sat there to watch her. Emmett, Rosalie, Esme and Jasper were coming and going from the room. They still needed to manage their business and job, so they couldn't just sit around in the room. Carlisle left a few times to arrange some stuff about his job and mine. He called my mentor and the hospital I worked at to let them know that I took some time off. Alice stayed in the room with me because she worked with mom, so she didn't need to think about her job much. She just left to buy some food for all of us.

The nurse that had come with Dr. Chenney visited a few times to check on Bella. There was no change about her condition. But, the burns were slowly healing even though we all knew that they would leave scars.

Sometime around midnight I almost fell asleep while I was still sitting beside Bella's bed. A few minutes after that I just lost consciousness. My ears awoke before my eyes, because I heard voices around me first before I could open my eyes.

"Are you really alright? You didn't feel any pain at all?" I heard Carlisle's voice. There was no answer for Carlisle's question, but someone asked again.

"Are you sure, sweetheart? There's no pain at all?" This time Esme asked kindly.

"Not really," a hoarse voice answered.

Suddenly I really awoke. It was like some energy flew through my body. I raised my head and saw the lovely brown eyes that I really missed these past months. My breath caught in my throat. "Bella," I sighed the name and made every pair of eyes turned to me. "Hey, you really awake?" I asked while my eyes took the sight of her in.

"No, the right question is do _you_ finally awake?" Emmett asked while looking at me. Rosalie hit the back of his head while Jasper, Esme, Alice, and Carlisle chuckled at Emmett's question.

I suddenly knew why he asked that question. "Hmm.. sorry. How long had I been asleep?" I asked sheepishly.

"Now it's 10 in the morning," Alice answered sweetly.

"It's okay, honey. You hadn't slept that much this last couple of nights," Esme said kindly.

I smiled hearing my mom throwing an argument for me. I turned my head back to Bella and caught her starring at me. I leaned toward her and took her scar less hand carefully. "How do you feel?" I asked bringing her fingers in front of my mouth.

"It's fine," she whispered back. She didn't look angry or anything. On the contrary, her face didn't show much of expression. It remained expressionless before she turned her eyes back to my family. Her expressionless face scared me more than an angry face because somehow she felt so far away from me. It felt like she pulled herself away from me.

I didn't say anything for a while. I just sat there watching her interact with my family. She didn't talk much. Mostly, she just smiled and nodded or shook her head. I didn't keep track of my family's questions. I just sat there trying to find the way to reach her, to get her back to me. I just wanted to be closer to her.

My prayer was answered by the most sensible and greatest sister anyone could have. Alice. I was pulled from my own thought and dragged back to reality by Alice's sentences. "We have to go shopping. I think we need to find some clothes that Bella can wear because I can't stand any longer looking at the hideous hospital clothes that you've been wearing, Bells," she said that with glancing Esme and Rosalie.

That was the first time I felt grateful for Alice's addiction to shopping. I glanced at Bella and I could see her cringing hearing Alice's words. "It's not like I can complain about clothes, Alice. I did have something more important to think about, like staying alive maybe," Bella answered with a slight sarcastic tone in her voice.

Alice didn't look even slightly affected by Bella's protest. "Whatever. I'll go shopping anyway," she said dismissing Bella's words. She turned her head to Esme and Rosalie who were standing behind her, practically blocking Bella and me from seeing her face. "I think I need you both to help me. That hospital gown is really bad. I think I need other expertise about fashion to banish the trace of that gown from Bella," she said to Esme and Rosalie, talking as if the hospital gown could leave Bella scar or something.

I could see Rosalie smirking at Alice's words. But, Esme, being a great mother, just smiled understandingly before nodding her head. Alice turned her head to Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle. "Don't you have something to arrange? Like _work_ maybe?" she said again.

The three men just looked at her with blank expression as if she spoke alien's language that they didn't understand. Jasper was the first to recover from the frozen state. "Oh yeah. I think I should call Peter," he said before kissing Alice's cheek and turning to leave the room. Peter was a colleague from his workplace and also one of his best friends.

Carlisle stood frozen a few seconds longer than Jasper before mumbling about checking out with the hospital. After he left the room with cell phone in one hand and the other scratching his hair, Alice and her two partners in crime stood there and looked at Emmett. Emmett just looked at them with bewildered expression. I couldn't see the women's expression, but I imagined they were throwing some signals to him. He looked confused for a few seconds before finally realized what was happening. "Yeah, I think I should check the progress with Alec and Felix," he said slowly before turning to leave. Alec and Felix were his employees.

Alice, Rosalie, and Esme turned to us and said their goodbyes before leaving the room. I sighed while still looking at the door that Rosalie closed behind them. I really appreciated what Alice had done. I did. But, couldn't she do something with more subtlety. Maybe, she had thrown some reasonable motive for everyone to leave the room, but it was still obvious what she had been trying to do. I shut my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose a few seconds after the door closed. Suddenly I heard Bella's mumbling, "I'll kill her."

I turned my eyes to Bella and saw that she was throwing daggers to the closed door. I knew what she was thinking and why. Alice really didn't know how to do things subtly. I was desperate to talk to Bella and cleared a few things, so maybe I should appreciate Alice's hard work to make it happen. I was just starring at Bella's face while she was still glaring at the door. I needed a time to arrange the words in my head, so I didn't try to get her attention sooner. But, I guessed eventually Bella could feel my eyes on her, because she glanced at me a few moments later.

She just looked at me for a second before looking away and sighed. "I guess you want to talk if Alice had to work out of her way to make everyone leave the room," she muttered, still avoiding my eyes.

"I didn't ask her, but sorry anyway. She really didn't understand the concept of subtlety."

There was a hint of smile on her lips, but the smile didn't happen. We were silent for a minute. "So, what do you want to say?"

I sighed. "Umm.. I honestly don't know. I tried to arrange some words in my head and I'm still not sure how to say it."

"Just say what you want to say, Edward. We all know that the subtlety doesn't really run on your family. Alice isn't the only one who has difficulties of being subtle," she said with a hint of teasing in her voice. There was a small smile on her lips this time. It was really small, but it made me really happy to see that. For a moment there, it felt like the Bella that I had known all my life was finally back.

I took a deep breath before opening my mouth. "I think first, I have to apologize to you."

"For what?" Bella asked before I could say the next word. The smile was vanished and there was hard expression on her face. I thought it was a mixture of confusion, anger, and grimace.

"For being so stupid, oblivious, and.. coward about what.. what had been happening."

"Why are you saying this?" Bella cut me off again. She glared at me for a few seconds before looking away again. "If you're talking about the things that we talked about at the airport, you really don't have to apologize, Edward. It's not your fault you didn't feel the same way that I did."

Did you notice the past tense in her sentence? Clearly it wouldn't go unnoticed to me. Something chill ran down my spine when I heard that sentence. Did it mean that she didn't feel that feeling for me anymore? I guessed I should've realized it sooner. I was the one who had caused the pain and scars that she felt after all. Well, maybe not directly, but still in the process I had some responsibilities. I should be grateful if she could give me some forgiveness even a little.

_Changes happened all the time. And the war must have been the most common place for a person to change._

"I'm not apologizing because I didn't feel the same way you did, Bella. I'm apologizing because I was too stupid to realize what I felt and I was too coward to admit that." I could feel the bitterness on my tongue when I said that. It hurt. It physically hurt in my chest when I said that. Like it was hard to breathe.

"Why do you say it? You really don't have to apologize for things like this, Edward," she mumbled with frown on her face. She still didn't look at me when she said that.

"Of course I do. If only I realized my feeling sooner, if only I wasn't being too coward and too immature to admit my feeling, you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't go to war.."

"I didn't go to war because of you," this time Bella turned her eyes to my direction to glare at me. "I went to war because I wanted to. I decided to go because I needed to. It had nothing to do with you," she said the sentence as if I had offended her.

"Alright. I'm sorry I assumed otherwise. It's just.. when I came home and Alice told me that you were gone, I just lost my mind. I just regretted that I didn't realize my feeling sooner. I regretted that I didn't end my engagement and come home sooner.."

"You ended your engagement?" Bella cut my rambling.

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Why?" she asked with confusion on her face.

"Because I finally realized that I love you.."

"Don't!" Bella cut me off again. "Please don't say that," she practically begged.

"Why?" This time I was the one who felt confused.

"Just don't, okay?" she asked.

"Why not? Why don't you want me to say that I love you?" I asked. I could feel and hear the anger in my voice.

"Because you don't."

"Because I don't what? Because I don't love you? How can you be so sure?" I asked, feeling frustrated. "I know that maybe you don't believe me. I didn't really show it before. But that was because I didn't realize it. I know that I don't have any right to ask it, but please Bella, try to believe me. Please.."

"I don't know, Edward. It's really hard to believe that," she mumbled.

"It's okay. I don't mind. I'll give you as much as time that you need and in the mean time, I'll try to give you proof."

* * *

After Alice came back with Esme and Rosalie, she forced me to take a shower and change my clothes. She wrinkled her nose and said that I smelt, so I finally gave up and did what she asked. After that Esme dragged me to cafeteria to find something to eat. Rosalie left to find Emmett. So, Alice was left in the room with Bella. I guessed I wasn't the only one who needed the one-on-one and heart-to-heart conversation with Bella.

We found Carlisle and Jasper at the cafeteria. I ate some sandwiches before I felt like my stomach couldn't take it anymore. I excused myself from the table and left Esme with Carlisle and Jasper. I told them I needed to take a walk to clear my head. And I was honest on that point. But, mostly I couldn't take the way they were glancing at me every once in a while as if I was ready to breakdown anytime.

I took a walk for almost half an hour before decided to come back to Bella's room. I was ready to open the door when I heard Alice's voice through the door. She was half-yelling at Bella. I really wanted to go inside and stopped her, but I didn't when I heard the topic of their conversation.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella. Of course he meant it," Alice said half-yelling.

"Of course not! How can it happen that one moment he didn't love me and the next moment he does? That can't be real, Alice!"

"Maybe because he loves you all along," Alice argued back. "Do you forget that I practically begged you to confess your feeling to him? Why do you think I did that? That's because I knew that he loves you too. He has been in love with you for maybe as long as you love him. That's why I wanted you to confess. So, you and him can have your happily ever after."

So, Alice had known Bella's feeling from the beginning. And she had asked Bella over and over again to confess to me. I couldn't be more thankful for my sister than now. Suddenly I realized that in the situation like this, in the situation that was really ridiculous and full of guilt, Alice was the only person involved that had done nothing wrong. She had done everything in her power to make things right. But, unfortunately, Bella and I were too stubborn and too blind to see what had been right in front of us. And I guessed it was up to me now to do the right things.

"Bella, how can you not see it? You must have felt that Edward care about you like you care about him. How can you not believe that he loves you too?" Alice asked, sounding a little desperate.

Bella sniffed. It hurt my heart to hear her crying like this. "I'm afraid, Alice," she mumbled. I almost couldn't hear her voice through the door. So, I opened the door slowly and made a small gap between the doors. I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop, but somehow I felt like only by doing this I could make things right. And I was desperate.

"Afraid of what?"

"I'm afraid that it was his guilty feeling that took control. I'm afraid that he thought he felt like that because he felt guilty I got hurt in the war." I gasped listening to Bella's words. I really didn't know that she took my confession like this.

"Bella, you're mistaken," Alice tried to dissuade Bella's uneasiness.

"Am I though? Because he did apologize that I went to war," Bella argued back.

"That's ridiculous," Alice chastised Bella's argument. "Do you know the first thing that happened when he came home? He confessed that he broke up with Tanya because he liked you. And then he became angry when I told him that you went away because of a new job. And then he almost molested me when I told him that I didn't know where you are. Do you know what happened when I told him that you went to war? He hit a pillar and broke his fingers. He had to take some time off from his residency for more than a month."

They were silent for a minute. "Really?" Bella whispered.

"You didn't see his face back then, Bella. He looked broken. Like _really_ broken," Alice answered.

And then I couldn't stop myself from stepping into the room. Alice and Bella looked really shocked when they showed me enter the room. "Enough, Alice," I said gravely. I was really thankful that my sister defended me in front of Bella, but I didn't want her to say anything more. This time I was the one who didn't want Bella to feel sorry for me because of my pain back then.

"Edward, how long have you been there?" Alice asked with slight annoyance in her voice.

"Long enough," I answered gravely. "Now, can you please give me a minute with Bella?" I asked her back.

Alice looked at me for a few seconds. "Fine," she said before leaving the room.

I turned my head to Bella. We starred at each other eyes for a minute before I stepped closer to her bed. I took a deep breath before opening my mouth. "I know that it's hard for you to believe that I love you. But, please don't judge my feeling as guilt. I _am _sorry that you went to war. But, that's not because I feel guilty. I am sorry because I regretted that I didn't realize my feeling sooner. If only I realized it before Thanksgiving, I would have confessed to you and I wouldn't let you go. If only we were already together back then, I would do anything in my power to make you stay."

"You don't have to feel sorry, Edward. I needed to go to war. I needed the experience. I needed to feel what I felt when I was there. Therefore I can do better for my life and I can be more grateful that I have a good life here. I needed that," Bella said slowly. We were silent for a moment. "Was that true?"

"Was what true?" I asked back, didn't know what she was talking about.

"Did you really break your fingers?" she asked.

"Hmm.." I mumbled. "It's not important," I said unwillingly.

"Of course it is," Bella said stubbornly. "Let me see."

I frowned a little, but I brought my right hand in front of her face. There was no trace if you saw my fingers. But, there was slight bend on my middle finger because of the incident. I could see that Bella noticed the bend when she touched that finger. She frowned a little. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

I sighed loudly "Bella, that's not your fault at all. That was just my stupidity to relieve my temper," I said feeling slightly pissed because Alice had told her about it.

"Then, you have to understand that it wasn't your fault that I went to war. It was just my decision to fulfill my need," she said.

I looked at her for a minute before chuckling. She used my argument to defeat my other argument. I turned my right hand and made her fingers enveloped in my palm. I brought her hand in front of my lips and kissed it. "I know. I'll understand as long as you understand."

"Okay," she agreed before smiling.

"Will you please.. please.. give me a chance to prove it to you that I love you?" I asked again slowly.

She didn't answer immediately. She just stared at me as if to determine I could be trusted or not. "Okay. As long as you promise to be honest with me."

"I promise," I said before kissing her hand again.

**A/N: Sooooo.. what do you think?**

**I haven't written the last chapter. I'll try to write as soon as I can, but no promise, okay?**

**Thank you for**** Maggie Davis, j macphail, stormy315 who had left me review. And thank you so much to Harry Albus Potter Dumbledore who had reviewed for every chapter of this story.**

**Thanks for reading this story and giving me support to continue this story. Please leave a review to let me know what you think about this story :)**


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